Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I'm Totes* Going on a Totes Detox

Aside from whingeing about new Facebook layouts, uploading pictures from our SLR cameras of our gourmet meals and posting status updates to the tone of 'ZOMG I'm <3ing the Goyte song ft Kimbra, Somebody I used to know! That's SO my life!' The other thing we're really good at? Butchering the English language. And yes, I'm completely guilty of this, I know. To quote the legendary Ryan O'Connell in his piece Seven Things A Twenty Something Can't Do, we refuse to speak proper English even if we know how - 'sowwy we can't. We love to type lYkE disS (4 irony) and speak in abrevs.' 


According to the Urban Dictionary totes is a 'fucking lame way to say totally. This word is most commonly used by teenage girls.' Eww, I feel dirty and ashamed by how many tote bombs I've dropped in my lifetime. Hands up if you think totes has had its fun in the sun and it's time for him to die now? The t word is used so often and so out of context that it's lost all meaning. People just say it to sound cool, it's become the crappy comma of the 21st century. You know something's reached its expiry when even the oldies are saying it. Before you know it I'll be over at my Nanny's and she'll be offering me a cup of tea while saying, 'careful dear, it's still hot. Give it a minute or you'll totes burn your tongue.' This needs to be stopped. 


Sometimes I hear the garbage that comes out of my mouth and am embarrassed. Can we all make a conscious effort to honour our beautiful language and stop talking like idiots? Not only am I going on a totes detox, I will hereby cut out all other junk-food words from my vocab - for realsies, no waysies, LOLZ, amaze, roflcopter and other cringy Gen Y slang, I'm looking at you. If you catch me speaking any of this crap you have permission to make me do on-the-spot exercise or my 8 times tables. Both of which I suck at. 


* Starting from now


** Totes ma goats will forever remain my desktop background, those creatures are too gorgeous to part with. 


Let's honour the true meaning of totes - cute bags with quirky slogans. Speaking of which, how smashing is this one! You can buy him here.

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