Friday, September 30, 2011

FACT:




Boys on skateboards are 22%* hotter than boys who travel on foot.


* Figure based purely on my personal affection for dudes who zip around the city on wheels. Oh, and my epidemic crush on Pharrell Williams - the original skateboy P. My folders in high school were adorned with pictures of Phaz Dog (that's what I liked to call him) and Rugby Union player Matt Rodgers - rest assured I stopped smoking crack cocaine and the latter crush has long since faded. Dear 15 year old me, umm eww Matt Rodgers, seriously what were you thinking? Then again, you did have pretty whack taste so I'll forgive you. But I still hope to one day spawn Pharrell's children. Now all I need is some fancy grillz and I'm set.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Because I'm a Lazy Mo-Fo


Yes, my room is right next to my brothers. And yes, when I was hung over the other Saturday morning I may have texted him asking to fetch me some Pandadol #dark. You'll be pleased to know he was a good little broseph and came to my rescue, with two Panas and water in tow! 

To be fair, it works both ways. Tonight I got a message from Jimmy reminding me, to remind him, to pack his lunch for school. So logical, right? And I really am his human alarm clock, I wake him every morning because he sleeps through his. 

Anyway, the moral of the story is why get up from your cosy, warm bed and walk all the way to the kitchen to get pizza when you can just get your monkey butler* to do it. 

*Monkey butler was coined by Edwina, don't worry we don't actually use this term. Much. 

MORE EXPLOSIONS, please

This is a left over snippet from one of James's multimedia assignments. His response to many questions in life follows a similar pattern, ie. how was school today? 'Yeah it was good, but it needed more explosions.' How was your buddy's party? 'Kinda fun, but it needed more explosions.' You get the gist. 


So maybe that's why he made this video? Explosions on demand! James says on his masterpiece,'this was just a blooper from a multimedia movie that i edited because I was bored. I wasn't actually dancing you fools.'

Monday, September 12, 2011

Art Homework or Angry Birds?

If there's one thing Facebook is good at, it's the status flash backs. Look at this little gem that popped up. Elijah-Finkleface-Fink's comments in particular are great! 




Saturday, September 10, 2011

If I Was A Boy....

Yo boys, wanna impress the ladies? Please don yourself with these Modern Amusement threads aye-sap! I genuinely get clothing envy when I see awesome dude's stuff. Look at all those pretty things I'll never get to wear! No one would love them like I could...


More reasons to consider a sex change or to get one of those boyfriend things so at least I can look at someone wearing these. I think the latter would probably be more cost effective and conventional. You can buy boyfriends pretty cheap these days, right?


It's so hard to find nice, simple tees without thunder bolts and other obnoxious shit strewn all over them but this one gets it just right. The clouds are dreamy and not too in your grill while the white keeps it clean and fresh.  
Gaaah! Above the knee boardies! In pretty pastels! You know how I feel about this. Now, excuse me while I get down on one knee and propose to you.
Well this is just fucking brilliant! I think I could actually get away with wearing this tee.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I Moustache Have Looked Like a N00b

SISTER: Sorry I missed your call before, what's up?


ME: Oh I was just calling because I thought you'd like to know I was walking around Typo for ages tonight, when I finally got to the counter to pay a lady came up to me and said, 'excuse me, I'm not sure if it's supposed to be there or not but THIS is stuck to you.' Guess what she pulled off my back? 


SISTER: What? 


ME: Magnets! Moustache magnets! 


SISTER: HAHAHA, MAGGOTS? How did maggots get stuck on your back?


ME: Nooo, mag-nets. They're just like the novelty magnets we got Dad for Father's Day.


SISTER: Oh, still, that's pretty awesome. 


ME: Yeah, I knew you'd appreciate it. The best part was how she wasn't sure if they were part of my outfit, so she was trying to be polite in case they were. Like yeah, I just walk around with magnet moustaches attached to my jacket, it's all the rage this Spring. Haven't you heard?


SISTER: But how did they even get on you? How did they leave the shelf and get to you? 


ME: Well there's this metal part on the back of my jacket, I must have walked past and they jumped on. I kinda wish she didn't find them, would have been great if I managed to get all the way home and not realised. 


From our own personal collection.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I'm Totes* Going on a Totes Detox

Aside from whingeing about new Facebook layouts, uploading pictures from our SLR cameras of our gourmet meals and posting status updates to the tone of 'ZOMG I'm <3ing the Goyte song ft Kimbra, Somebody I used to know! That's SO my life!' The other thing we're really good at? Butchering the English language. And yes, I'm completely guilty of this, I know. To quote the legendary Ryan O'Connell in his piece Seven Things A Twenty Something Can't Do, we refuse to speak proper English even if we know how - 'sowwy we can't. We love to type lYkE disS (4 irony) and speak in abrevs.' 


According to the Urban Dictionary totes is a 'fucking lame way to say totally. This word is most commonly used by teenage girls.' Eww, I feel dirty and ashamed by how many tote bombs I've dropped in my lifetime. Hands up if you think totes has had its fun in the sun and it's time for him to die now? The t word is used so often and so out of context that it's lost all meaning. People just say it to sound cool, it's become the crappy comma of the 21st century. You know something's reached its expiry when even the oldies are saying it. Before you know it I'll be over at my Nanny's and she'll be offering me a cup of tea while saying, 'careful dear, it's still hot. Give it a minute or you'll totes burn your tongue.' This needs to be stopped. 


Sometimes I hear the garbage that comes out of my mouth and am embarrassed. Can we all make a conscious effort to honour our beautiful language and stop talking like idiots? Not only am I going on a totes detox, I will hereby cut out all other junk-food words from my vocab - for realsies, no waysies, LOLZ, amaze, roflcopter and other cringy Gen Y slang, I'm looking at you. If you catch me speaking any of this crap you have permission to make me do on-the-spot exercise or my 8 times tables. Both of which I suck at. 


* Starting from now


** Totes ma goats will forever remain my desktop background, those creatures are too gorgeous to part with. 


Let's honour the true meaning of totes - cute bags with quirky slogans. Speaking of which, how smashing is this one! You can buy him here.

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