Saturday, August 20, 2011

Fashion Through The Eyes of a Teenage Boy

BROTHER: Umm, are those chickens on your blazer?

ME: No, they're doves James, not chickens. Gosh. 

BROTHER: That dress is a bit old lady-ish too. 

Well there's a nice hard dose of reality. While you think your outfits are fashion-forward and edgy, most normal people probably think you just look like a try hard dickhead. Dress wisely, people. 

For inspiration on what not to wear - Fashion Cats, in all good book stores meow. 

Monday, August 15, 2011

Things I've Learnt from Splendour

In keeping with tradition, here are the (belated) lessons learnt from our epic Splendour adventure ...

  • Wear a llama poncho, or any animal related get up (i.e. a donkey / monkey jumpsuit). It will make you the coolest kid in school. 
  • Whoever coined the phrase 'dancing your pants off' is wrong. It should be updated to 'dancing your bra off' or 'dancing so hard, your bra strap snaps,' because this actually happened to me. 
  • Double dumping Panadol before, during and after each day will become a normal part of life and is a sure fire way to decrease your hangovers. Also, being organised and pre-stocking the fridge with Poweraid works wonders. 
  • The best way to sleep in the car is to create a human centipede and lean against your neighbour. Just make sure no one takes a photo while you're getting your centipede on, it won't be pretty.
  • Don't panic when you wake up in the middle of the night and forget where you are. Furthermore do not run out of the room, slam the door and have a panic attack because you think you're sleeping next to a serial killer like I did. Chinny is the furthest thing from a murderer (see above, re affinity for fluffy animals). 
  • Seeing Kele Okereke will just make you wish you were watching Bloc Party, you'll find yourself screaming 'play your old shit,' quite a lot. 
  • If you need to borrow any kind of animal paraphernalia (i.e. bunny slippers, polar bear spirit hat, monkey jumpsuit etc) Nicki Chin is your go-to-girl. This woman packed as many clothes as me and this is why we are kindred spirits. We need options, people!
  • Fruit loops are best enjoyed in a wine glass.
  • James Blake is God and I would happily have his babies. He ended every song in his irresistible British accent saying, 'thank you ever so much.' No James Blake, thank YOU ever so much for making manners sexy.
  • Yelle can well and truly rock a onesie. 
  • Cut Copy are still amazing. In fact, I think I fall a little more in love with them every time I see them. 
  • Festival fashion never ceases to amaze. It seemed butt cheeks were the theme of 2011, with hundreds of chicks sporting this trend. 
  • Sometimes your life can end up like an episode of Neighbours. Just grin and bear it.  
  • Voddy hip flasks should not be pulled out and swigged in front of security guards. They will be confiscated. Rookie error. Whoops.
  • After spending excessive amount of time with Chinny and myself, you will end up speaking like a LOLcat so just don't fight it, ok Penny?
  • Someone would make a small fortune selling cushions on the hill at the amphitheatre. Never have I heard more people complain of a sore derrieres from the harsh terrain.
  • The best way to walk back to the car at the end of the day is 5 abreast, arm in arm pretending to be transformers. Group Love robocops, GO!
  •  Acrostic poems are NOT the way to win diorama competitions, nor are bubbles. Who da thunk it? Apparently the way to peoples' hearts is through the medium of sponge cake. I found this out the hard way.  
  • Whenever Penny and I are together we miss flights. We were 6 measly minutes late for check in and the dickheads at Jetstar wouldn't let us on the flight, even though it still didn't leave for another 25 minutes, we had carry on luggage and the gate was literally around the corner. When you are that exhausted you will hand over any amount of money to get home. $390 for the next flight out was the best dosh I've ever spent. 
  • Maccas for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday will result in an intense desire for crazy amounts of fruit and vegetables upon your arrival home. Foranges (frozen oranges) are an easy way to fun-up your vitamin C intake, just add freezer. 
  • After three days of dust, alcamahol and shouting 'YIIIIEEEEWWWW'* at the top of your lungs, you will acquire the Splendour black Lung and feel so ill, you consider paying your little brother to carry you around the house as even walking hurts.
  • When in doubt, just ask yourself what would Yeezy do? 

I'd love to hear what you learnt from Splendour? Any wise words of wisdom to share with the team?

* The 'yiiiiiiiiiiiiiewwwwwwing' started as a joke, paying out those who yiew at everything but eventually we became the people we hated and yiewed at the drop of the hat. 

A standard Splendour meal.
My post-Splendour foodz.
Life is better in a onesie. Fact.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Treat For Your Ears: Saturday Night In

Somehow my quiet work drinks last night turned into a 4amer, which means I woke up at 4pm today, which means I can't sleep hence the blogging at 2am. Ahh, I'm not the spring chicken I used to be so it's been a lazy night in watching Batman with my broseph. For all of you licking your wounds from the night before too, here are some radtastic choones to get you through it.  

Little Dragon, Ritual Union: Mad arse song. Enough said. 

Crystal Fighters, At Home: This reminds me of our Splendour road trip. Thanks Nate Dog for including it on your sweet, sweet mix tapes.

New Navy, Zimbabwe: Love this video clip, and no, it's not just because they're wearing Hawaiian shirts! It makes me wish I had the guts to spin a globe and randomly select a country to run away to. If only...

Snakadaktal, Chimera: Any song that makes reference to Peter Pan flying you to school is ok in my books. Check these guys out on Triple J Unearthed High

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Hipster Rage

Definition: the overwhelming feeling of anger when in a room with too many hipsters. Similar to vodka rage, hipster rage renders one inconsolable and stabby. Will start to shout things like, 'WHY HAS SYDNEY BEEN INFESTED WITH SO MANY HIPSTERS? WHY? WHY? LOOK HOW THEY ALL DANCE LIKE ZOMBIES, THEY'RE NOT EVEN HAVING FUN." 

The best remedy for hipster rage is to dance all up in their grill, Elaine Bennis style and watch them freak out. Alternatively you can flee the premise like my sister did a few weeks ago, followed by this text - 'sorry, I just had to get out of there. Too many God damn hipsters.' Classic.

Have you ever experienced hipster related rage?


Oh hai Mossy and Hincey. Keen to adopt a second daughter? Comes fully house trained and is well versed in all things rock and / or roll. I'm swooning hard over these incredible Mario Testino Moss Stock photos. View the whole album of genetically blessed freaks here.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What I Wish The Census Asked...

Thanks to Kerri Sackville for providing us with tonight's fun little game. She's the mastermind behind the Twitter hash tag #WhatIWishTheCensusAsked, which is now trending in Australia. I've hand picked some tweets and answered them for this special edition Census blurg post. It's censusational. Enjoy! 

At the time of completing this form, is your tomato sauce in the fridge or the cupboard? Fridge, always! Cupboard is for fools. If there's a seal that breaks when you open it, then it needs to be refrigerated. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how seriously do you take being 'un-followed' on Twitter? It cuts deep. For reals, so I'd say about 7.5.

Sporty, Scary, Baby, Ginger or Posh? I'll always be a Ginger girl, man.  What, with her red hair and insane cleavage. That was revolutionary at the time. 

Are you too sexy for this form? Little bit. 

Hamish or Andy? Andy in a heartbeat. Boy's got a mop of hair that would put the lead singer of Wolfmother to shame. So dreamy. And I always prefer the underdog. 

Are you a wizard? Who told you?

Do you like to party? 'Party' should never be used as a verb, but yes to answer your question, I do quite enjoy it. 

Jeggings - yes or no? HELL NO.

Do you kiss with your eyes open or close? I don't kiss and tell but I think open eye kissers are kinda creepy. 

What do you want to be when you grow up? Does Alexa Chung's BFF count as an occupation? No? Errr, how about Olivia Palermo's?

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?  Yes, yes I most definitely would. 

Wanna quickie? You sure know how to seduce a lady...

Will you call me tomorrow? That depends, do you wear skinny leg jeans?

Oh Alexa, you crazy.

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