Thanks to an un-named shop for not having mirrors in their bloody change rooms, I had to walk out to the communal mirror and brave the delusional sales assistant telling me the dress looked great*, when it most definitely didn't. Sorry lady, I know what suits me and this frock was doing me no favours.
Cue the awkward conversation and subtle battle you have to fight with pushy retail babes who are probably working on commission and thus lie through their teeth for the all important sale.
Shop assistant (who may or may not have been visually impaired): Do you love it? It looks sooo great on you!
Me: Ummm not really. It shows off my back fat pretty well.
Shop assistant: What if you wore different undies underneath it?
Me: Different undies aren’t going to get rid of my back fat.