Saturday, May 21, 2011

I Hope Ben Rama Finally Gets Laid

Happy end of the world peeps! How are you spending your final hours before the Apocalypse? I'm home alone doing my washing, online shopping and watching Foxtel. My last meal will be Vegemite toast. I'm crazy like that. What a stellar last Saturday night.


Twitter is abuzz with Rapture hash tags. Trending high is 'end of the world confessions', here are a few of my faves - 





So for all you other crazy kids at home on a Saturday night, let's play a game together. Tell me your end of the world confessions. You can comment anonymously.


Mine? I used to think Zac and Taylor Hanson were total babes. The oldest one, Isaac, was a dud. Not juicy enough for you? Ok, on several occasions I tricked my then baby brother into thinking it was Christmas. I would tuck him into bed and trick him into thinking when he woke up Santa would have visited. I also used to make him do dances to the Spice Girls. I was an awful tween. 


Oh! I thought of another! Our friend Boof had a 'gathering' (don't you love how they were called that) in year ten while his parents were away. Under no circumstances were they to find out. We were drinking outside and anywhere in the house was out of bounds. As I was walking back from the loo, the CD player in the living room began to skip so I ran over and fixed it. As I was running back outside, my foot clipped the side of the glass coffee table, smashing it into a million little pieces. Yikes. Mortified and embarrassed I pretended it didn't happen. Boof's parents came home and next day and he was caught. Pretty sure everyone knew it was me, but I'm finally coming clean. Boof, I broke your coffee table and I am sincerely sorry. It was a churlish thing not to 'fess up. I was a naive teenager and I hope you can forgive me. Please send me the bill, even though it's 8 years overdue. 


Oh, oh! And one more corker! At a high school party, I accidentally kissed twins on the same night. I didn't realise they were two separate people. I flirted with Twin A and we had a cheeky pash. I wandered off, probably to get more peach Archers out of my Country Road bag. I then bumped into who I thought was Twin A, continued to flirt, thinking we were picking up where we left off. We kissed again. Turns out it was Twin B... Shudder. I think an onlooker connected the dots and shouted out that I'd hooked up with both twins in the space of half an hour. What a hussy! I ran off in tears and never got to explain myself. It was an honest mistake and a lesson for all identical twins - please make sure you implement distinguishable features. Maybe one can have a moustache and the other can wear a monocle or something? Or perhaps you could adopt the Wiggles method of different coloured tunics?


Man I'm an awful person, but that feels much better. I'll die with a clear conscience. Bring. On. The. Rapture! I'm ready now. Nina Las Vegas kicked off House Party with the awesome Rapture song, No Sex for Ben. Ben Rama is a real person ya know. So where ever you are Ben, I hope you're finally getting some before the world ends. Preferably with twins, on a coffee table. 


Adios amigos! See you on the flip side.




2 comments:

  1. I used to eat entire jars of chocolate Nesquick.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Been on my conscience for ages. In year 9 during a library class I stuck a sign on a girl's back 'kick me".She wasn't my fav person. We all thought it was the funnies joke. Others did not see it that way. Luckily wasn't sent for counselling. In hindsight it was bullying. Year 9 girls can be mean girls.

    ReplyDelete

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