Sunday, April 17, 2011

An Open Letter to the Hot Spots of Sydney

Dear trendy hipster hang outs of Sydney, I just wanted to let you know while you may provide a pleasant back drop to our weekends, you are getting a little bit too big for your boots. 


A line to get into Dr Pong! Who do you think you are? It wasn't even full, I think you were just showing off. What happened to casually walking through the back entrance? Thanks to your pretentious little line I had to stand in the freezing cold and miss 20 minutes of my friend's birthday, cheers! No matter because luckily for you, Dr Pong, I am a table tennis demon. It's my secret talent in life. I'm not even kidding. Years of holidays at Hawks Nest morphed me into a ping-pong-protégée. You can make me wait in lines all you like, but I'll put everyone who verses me to shame. Word to the wise, watch out for my backhand.


And don't even get me started on the 3 level system at Kit and Kaboodle. The higher the level, the cooler you are. Last weekend at another buddy's birthday we needed to get cash out. The bartender on level 2 told us that there was an ATM on the holy level 3. When I said to the bouncer guarding the prestigious echelon of floor 3 I needed to get cash out and I would be straight back down to level 2. Cross my heart, hope to die, he replied, 'nice try, I think you're lying.' Yeah mate, obviously I go to such great lengths. Obviously level 3 is like, sooo much better. I've heard rumours leprechauns ride around on unicorns. And there's purer air. And the tap water isn't in fact water. It's flowing Chandon. Is it true Mr Door Bitch? I NEED to know! A girl can only dream of being let in....


I don't know who decides these joints are suddenly the places to be seen. Think Hunky Dory Social Club, Shady Pines et al. Granted, I'm that much of a loser I haven't even been to Shady Pines but I bet it goes a little something like this - cramped tiny space decked out with quirky interiors. Maybe there are some wacky moose heads on the walls? Lots of posing, taking photos and checking your posse into Facebook Places. It doesn't matter if you can't hear anyone talking and it's so packed you can smell your neighbour's BO and their pad thai dinner breath. At least you've checked in and everyone knows you're there!


What's that couch? You want me to spend all my weekends on you, getting hot and heavy with Foxtel? Good plan Jackie Chan. Beats the hell out of waiting in lines and BO. 


Trendy hot spots, I wish you every success in your business transactions, I really do. But just remember in 6 months' time, when Sydney moves on and choose their next flavours of the month, you'll be begging us to come and play table tennis with you. 


I'm off to practice my serve. Yours sincerely, Annabelle Rose Brennan. 



2 comments:

  1. Hear hear! Love this!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for writing this! Feel exactly the same, i think i read last week Dr Pongs is shutting down... Perhaps your heated letter got thru :)

    ReplyDelete

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