- If only someone could make all those scary ‘big kid’ decisions for you.
- If only you could pre-order your dream boy online and he was delivered in a neat little parcel on your doorstep, just like a Topshop package. I'll take brains, wit and an undeniable sense of style, please. Bill my visa.
- If only millionaire models didn't feel the need to walk the runway just weeks after giving birth. Ahem, Miranda and Heidi, I'm looking at you. It's not like you need the money. Can't you give us a mere mortals a break?
- If only my tummy didn’t growl at inappropriate moments. Like in a silent lift. Awks ma-gorks.
- If only you could look into the future and see the alternative endings to your life and then you'd know which choice was the right one to make.
- If only you didn't bump into the boy you think is cute while you're rummaging, head first through a garbage bin,* dropping your phone on the floor or other moments of general unco-ness. Why can't I be doing something super awesome and cool, like hanging out with a bunch of male models or something? Cause I do that all the time.
- If only there could be a permanent ban on putting Jennifer Aniston on all future magazine covers. Or if only that wasn't the kind of celeb that generated sales.
* In my defence, it was a paper bin and I can assure you there was no bin juice. I was simply doing the right thing and recycling a cardboard box. It was just extremely large so I had to shove it in. When I saw Mr Cute, I panicked and said, "hey, fancy seeing you here, I'm just hanging out in my bin!" I know, I'm a catch!
|Not exactly the look I was going for...|