Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bloggin' mah pantzzz off for Channel V!

I have blogged so much, I literally don't have any pants left. For reals. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I'm totally cool to walk around semi-nude if it means becoming the next Channel V Blog Jockey. 

Walking around sans pants isn't the only crazy thing I've done, no siree. In case you missed it, I thought I'd recap my Channel V campaign thus far so it's all here for your viewing pleasure, in one juicy little nugget. It's been a fun-filled bonanza. From walking down Park Street with a pair of skis on a Saturday morning, to eating raw Baked Beans and flyer bombing Sydney CBD. There's never been a dull moment, enjoy!

My digital resume for Channel V, yes I am a pro ninja fighter!

Here's another video blog I made, eyes peeled for a certain young chap bound to make you ROFLCOPTER -

Behind the scenes of my shoot -

The infamous tomato sauce on bread video -

Made a purrrrty flyer

Pimped my flyer like nobodies business!

Hyde Park

Oxford St

Got crafty with tomato sauce

Ran into the Channel V kids at the Rolling Stone awards and recruited them for a few cheeky campaign shots!

Still not convinced? I'm willing to give you my kidneys, liver or pancreas. Take your pick!

That's a Rad Ad!

Welcome to my new post "that's a rad ad!" The title is self explanatory - purrrrty ads that make me drool.

Hi Diane, you don't know me but I think we'd make great friends. I like your skirt, I like your socks, I LIKE YOU. Suddenly I feel the urge to dash to American Apparel and buy everything you're wearing. In fact after seeing this ad, my work crew and I have planned a group excursion to A.A this week.  

I saw this ad in Rolling Stone and almost died. HOW EFFIN' COOL! Now, technically speaking it's not an ad, it's the cover for Cut Copy's new album, Zonoscope, but gosh balls it's fab!

Sigh. Why can't I float around Paris in a pretty pink frock? An oldie but a goldie. If that's what Miss Dior Cherie smells like, I'll take seventy. Sold! To the hopeless romantic in the front row!

Damn You Alcomahol!

The other night, I was out to dinner with a friend. As we left, a gorgeous guy blatantly checked her out. We giggled and kept walking. She didn’t go and speak to him, even though she wanted to. “If only we had the social lubricant of alcohol in our system,” I said.

So begs the question, why do we need to be drunk to make the first move? Why are we so scared to just walk up to that guy we were making eyes with in the street / pub / café / train and say, “hey, I think you’re pretty cute want to go out sometime?” It may have something to do with this.

I’ll admit it, I am an eye sex whore. I’ve had eye sex with so many boys, I’ve lost count. What I haven’t lost count of is the number of times I’ve taken things to the next level (no, not undressing, that only happens with real sex. I mean walking up and just saying hi). I would never approach a boy unless I’ve got a few drinks under my belt. Sure I’m invincible after 7 cocktails but I’m probably slurring my words and confusing you for that pot plant over there. Why is your hair green and why do you taste like garden?

Drunk Bella is not nearly as charming as Sober Bella. I’d much rather people get to know Sober Bella. But Sober Bella is a scaredy cat. Sober Bella will simply look at you with puppy dog eyes and wish she could approach you. Drunk Bella will approach you, guns blazing and probably make you sing a Spice Girls' song while she's at it. Damn that Drunk Bella can be really embarrassing.

So the next time a cute boy smiles at me in the sober light of day I will put myself out there. Say it with me – I will put myself out there!

A Treat for your Ears: Pick me up Playlist

Hey you, feeling a bit down? These sweet beats will make you feel peachy keen! 

  • Crazy For You, Best Coast: For any LOL Cat lovers out there, you will adore this video clip. So freakin' cute it hurts! And a pretty awesome song too! 

What are your Fashion Phobias?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Because I Can't Keep my Big Mouth Shut

As an end of week / pay day treat I pottered off to my fave massage place in Castlereagh street. Sure, it's not a fancy pants beautician but it's el chepo and tres amaze.

Most people get a massage to relax and unwind. My neighbour in the cubicle next to me? Not so much. Apparently, he was there for a sexist deep and meaningful with his unwilling masseuse.... His ignorant slurs went a little something like this -

"Gosh it must be boring be a masseuse? Touching people's bodies all day. Just awful.... Did you learn how to give botox in beauty school? No? Well you should have, it's a skill you need to know. Ladies look great with it and they love it. It pays very well too."

I held my tongue and resisted the urge to jump through the curtain and punch him. I wanted to shout, "cosmetic surgery isn't taught in beauty school. It's a medical procedure you fuckwit! And no, not all women love it." Surely he knew we could all hear him? But I finally lost it when he dropped this bomb.

"You know, you don't have to be a full time masseuse. You could do this one day week and do something else. Lots of women do men's jobs these day. Pretty crazy. Like truck drivers and business men, women can do that too..."

The tone of his voice was almost in shock and disgust. I'd put up with his ill informed rantings for 15 minutes. That was it. 


Uncontained giggles filtered through from the surrounding customers and workers. My dear masseuse lent over and whispered in my ear, "this guy is an idiot. Thank you!" Mr living-in-the-1800's didn't say anything after that and I enjoyed the rest of my massage in peace and quiet.

Women can do men's jobs? NO WAYSIES???

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Is the Interwebz Making us Floozies?

I stumbled across this interesting little post on the Cleo blog today and it got me thinking... 

The dating world is a modern day minefield. Not only do you have to be charming in reality, you have to be a digital charmer too. If you can't give good text and write LOLworthy emails - forget about it. whether we like it or not, technology now plays a massive part in wooing our gentleman callers and lady luuuurvers. 

The result of all this faceless flirting? According to an article in the New York Post, we're bedding babes quicker than B.C (before computer) days. In a recent poll conducted by US mags Men's Fitness and Shape, "nearly 40 percent of women say that social-networking media, such as text-messaging and Facebook, are causing them to jump into the sack faster with partners than they would have in the past." Yikes. On the positive side of things, if you're ever accused of being a ho-bag at least you can say the interwebben made you do it.

What do you think? Does digital maccin' create a false sense of intimacy? Do we feel like we know people, when really we don't? Or do tech-savvy suitors turn you on? Just remember kids, always think twice before giving that cheeky Facebook poke, it could eventuate into a real life sexy-times-poke faster than you can say ROFLCOPTER...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My Channel *VFFs!

Being a self confessed music nerd I was super excited to score an invite through work to the Rolling Stone Awards last night. In a world record effort against the clock, I bolted home, got ready in FIVE MINUTES and headed back over the bridge to the B2 studios in Alexandria, in search of Lupe Fiasco.

Sadly I didn't meet Lupe, but it just so happened the awesome Channel V kids were there. Never one to shy away from a shameless plug for my campaign I recruited Kyle and Billy for a few sneaky happy snaps.

Seeing as though Billy and I are now practically BFFs, it kinda makes sense to send me to Thailand with him don't ya think?

* A VFF is just like a BFF, but cooler. Hello, they work at Channel V!

Billy says vote for Bella!

Billy praises my campaign efforts.

Chinny et moi.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Behind the Scenes of my Global Animal Vlog

Yes, I have a tail!
Best cubby house evaaaaah!
I are kitteh.

White boy can't jump.
White gurrrl can jump. Attempting to do a Channel V sign.
Does my tail look big in this?
Pretty siblings.
Hot mess.
To see my video for Channel V click here!

My Digital Resume for Channel V

How bad do I want this? So bad that I'm willing to promote myself through the medium of food, axelotles, street press, a photo shoot and dressing up as a Global Animal! Want to see my past vlogs for Channel V? Then click here and hereStay tuned for more vlog lovin' soon!

And a huge thanks to my little brother James for putting up with having such an embarrassing sister, you're the best. 

Saturday, January 22, 2011

How Satdeeeys Should Be

Gap Toothed Beauties

FYI - it's time to embrace our imperfections ya'll. Gone are the days of the asymmetrical, genetically blessed freaks. It's all about flaunting those quirky flaws. That noise you just heard? It's the sound of thousands of women high-fiving. Hellz to the yeah!

The most popular trend at the moment is the rise of the gap toothed beauties. Hello Jess Hart, Abbey Lee KershawGeorgia May Jagger, Anna Paquin and Lara Stone to name a few. And let's not forget the ultimate veteran of the ol'gap toothed grin, Madonna. 

Now if only I didn't get braces, maybe I could have made my vampire fangs cool? 

Jess, I heart your gap!


Hey Internet, let's make 2011 the year YOU tell me what you YOU think! I love hearing what you have to say. Disagree with me, tell me I'm an idiot, contribute to the discussion. Whatevs. It's the internet remember! YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT!

So how do you leave your comment on my little bloggy? It's super dooper easy. You don't need to sign up or give away your organs or anything. At the bottom of the post it says "post a comment", type your thoughts/feelings. Then it says "comment as" with a variety of options, the last two are the easiest. You can comment as anonymous or select "name / URL" and type your name in the name section, then hit post and voila! Your donezo! You can even give yourself a crazy name if you so wish.  

Thanks n00bs, I hope to hear from you soon! 

Can You Find Love on the Dance Floor?

Let's face it, Kings Cross isn't the most charming back drop to begin a love story. But in all reality you're more likely to meet Prince Charming on the D-floor than being hit by a car and rescued by a dashing doctor, a la Charlotte in Sex and the City. 

Romantic? Non. Realistic? Oui.

But fear not, dear readers, some of the cutest celeb couples have met in trashy places. We all know where Mary found her Prince. The Cockle Bay club, Slip Inn, will be thanking their lucky stars for a life time of free word of mouth advertising and business will always be booming with girls hoping for their own fairy tale. But lighting doesn't strike twice. Matt Damon met his wife, Luciana Bozán Barroso, when she served him in a Miami bar. Kendra Basket met Hugh Hefner when she was working at his 78th birthday party. She was naked, wearing only body paint. Ok, they're no longer together, and they weren't a cute couple but next time you're prancing about nakey, in body paint just remember you too could meet your geriatric lover. 

There's really two ways to meet people, (two REAL LIFE ways... All the digital ways? That's another post in itself!) randoms or friends of friends. The benefits of friends of friends is at least they're pre-screened, you know they're not weirdos (hopefully). But approach with caution, things can get messy and awkward when you date friends of friends, the old adage of 'don't shit where you eat' rings loudly. Randoms should be approached with equal amounts of caution. Sure they could be hilarious and witty at 4am in the kebab shop, but isn't anyone? If you go on a date with said random, make sure you tell someone where you're going in case they have a penchant for chopping up people into tiny pieces.

So, can you find love on the dance floor? I've heard some pretty amazing stories, relationships beginning in the most unromantic settings - dancing on tables at Cheeky Monkeys, a NYE party pash on Blues Point road and a recent engagement between a couple who met on a Contiki tour. So yes, you can find love anywhere. Even with kebab shop boy. 

Pashing randoms in clubs can work out!

I Really Like You...

Man, I've had so many girl crushes... I've admitted in the past that I check out girls all the time, but purely in a "woah! You're so awesome I want to be your best friend forevs" way. So what is a girl crush? A girl crush is when you admire / look up to someone. You don't want to bed them, rather, you want to friend them. To put it simply, you think they're rad. 

i.e. Karen O is The Shit. She can sing, she can dance and she's a total babe. I want to be her. 

Symptoms include jitters, overwhelming sense of adoration and a desire to intellectually connect with them. 

Sometimes, your girl crushes are mega celebs so the likelihood of actually becoming their friend is nil. But sometimes, your girl crushes can be more obtainable. You may work with them or they may be friends of friends. 

My top three girls crushes of all time are - 
  1. Mia Freedman: Even though you have no idea I exist, Mia you're my idol. 
  2. Marieke Hardy: It's no secret I have a big crush on Marieke. She's the most inspirational writer.  
  3. Alexa Chung: BABE. Enough said. 

Have you ever had a girl crush? Do you ask them out on play dates or are you too scared to make a plan of attack? 

Lady lovin'

Monday, January 17, 2011

Bellcabulary (words and phrases that float my boat)

Welcome to my post, Bellcabulary, where I wax lyrical about the weird and wonderful words I love to say. Past Bellisms can be found here

Pash and dash: Ahh the old pash and dash. You know what I'm talking about. Here's the scene, you're getting down and dirty on the d-floor, you pash a punter then bolt for whatever silly reason. Maybe the lights came on and he had a yellow snaggle toof?  

Totes magotes: Such an insult to the English language I know, but it's too late I'm infected. I caught it off my little broseph and can't stop saying it. I'm totes magotes addicted! A n00bicated version of 'totally'.

For realsies: I do resent the fact this catch phrase du jour has polluted my vocab. But oh well, it's quite fun to say. Use it when you want to emphasise the validity of something, i.e. I can recite the alphabet backwards*, for realsies!

Bad boy: Anything can be a bad boy. You're a bad boy, I'm a bad boy, that dude over there? He's totes magotes a bad boy! Fogs and I have endless giggles seeing how we can incorporate 'bad boy' into sentences, i.e. "can you please email me that bad boy when you have updated it with the most recent figures."

Holiday hot: Ever notice when you're on holiday your taste in the opposite sex strays from your usual preferences? Sometimes, your pretty little Sydney boys are nowhere to be seen, so maybe you'll flirt with that rugged Canadian instead. He's not Sydney hot, but he's holiday hot. It broadens your horizons and squashes your pickiness. 

*I used to trick people and tell them that my brain worked backwards, like I was some kind of kid genius who thought only in algorithms. Truth be told, I sucked at maths and Papa Bear taught me how to sing the alphabet backwards to keep me entertained when I was wee tacker, bored in a restaurant. It's just like learning the lyrics to a song.  

The C List Celeb Check List

After watching a few too many reality TV shows (aka, brain cell destroying teeve) while on holidays, it got me thinking about how easy it is to be a 'celebrity'. It's my guilty pleasure but I feel dirty when I watch Channel E! for too long. I over dosed on E! in Bali, the only antidote was the newspaper, bought for an obscene amount of money from a street vendor. I needed to cleanse my brain from all the useless facts I'd learnt about Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey and Cameron Diaz.  

So kiddos, what's the secret C list celeb formula? Read on! You know you're a C list celeb When...

  • You have a reality TV shown on E! complete with your own quirky catch phrases (that was probably work shopped for hours by the show's producers). Rachel Zoe's are "bananas, shut the front door and I DIE!" Audiences gobble that shit up.
  • You have a putrid smelling fragrance, that you like, totally created. 
  • You have your own clothing line too, because you really like fashion and stuff and it's not that hard to be a designer. 
  • You have your own book as well. Even though you've only ever read two in your life, (hello Snooki) who says you can't be an author? 
  • You pose on the cover of gossip mags in your bikini, boasting of your svelte post-baby body.
  • You're a product endorsement whore bag. Pimping yourself out to any brand that will use your botoxed face to promote their magical, anti-ageing vitamins. 

Tick three or more of the above? Congrats, you're a bona fide C list celeb!

Woah, something new and different! A celeb in her bikini!

Crap Swan

Yo Black Swan, step aside. You're the most overrated film evs. Spoiler alert: all Natalie Portman does is pout, huff and puff and look sad. She doesn't even speak much, a monkey could do that! She won the Golden Globe for best actress today and I'm flabbergasted. Also, I thoroughly enjoy saying flabbergasted. Everyone, sing it with me! f to the l to the a to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the d! Now we have that out of our system, the Globes are usually the precursor of what's to come at the Oscars, I'm sure Nat will be nursing that nude gold man in no time. Boourns I say! Boourns! 

I'm not hating on Natalie, I adored her in Closer and Garden State, I feel like she played much more dynamic characters in those films. Black Swan is so painfully bad, I just don't understand all this hype. 

But Miss P, soon mum to be, definitely looks smokin' in that Viktor and Rolf dress. If only they gave out Golden Globes for best dressed. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A Healthy* Start to the New Year

After swearing I would abstain from Field Day in the name of Bali savings, I caved. How can I refuse you Field Day? You're the best looking festival out there, with your perfect city back drop, your Moreton Bay Figs and the flocks of Beautiful People you attract. I was so there. 

Bella's Guide to a Stellar FD: 
  • Start the day with as much grease as possible. A Brennan fry up is best recommended. Fun fact: I can cook a pretty mean arse bacon and eggs (fetta and basil scrambled eggs are my specialty).
  • Don't wear fake tan in 35+ degree heat, unless you want to melt it off. Minimal make up is also a must. Alternatively, you can wear mc-massive sunnies to hide your flushed mug.
  • Do not put people twice the size of you on your shoulders. Ahem. Justin, I'm looking at you. 
  • The loo line is always the best place to make your new BFFs for the day. I do believe I befriended some awesome girls and even referred to their style as "quirky/cute". Yes, I have no shame and yes, I did get a photo with them. Ahh, only at a festival is behaviour like this acceptable. 
  • Dance your pants off to The Rapture, Duck Sauce and Sleigh Bells. Be greatly disappointed by the shitness that was Justice. Their set made me wish I packed ear muffs. Now I'm no music expert, but when you're holding your ears and saying "this sucks balls" that's gotta count for something right?
  • Measure the greatness of your day by the dirtiness of your clothes. My arse was covered in grass = super fun happy times to the max. It took three washes to get those stains out. Thank god for Napisan Plus. 
  • Don't let Sarah Pro give away half her wardrobe to you. No Sarah, we won't take your vintage dresses!

Honourable Mentions:

  • Honourable mention to Sarah-Pro-Partier for coming straight from from Falls Festival in Melbourne to Field Day in Sydney. After three days of Falls' mayhem, Sarah jumped on a plane and kicked on! Mighty impressive effort and she was in top form too. Bravo lassie, bravo! 
  • An honourable mention must also be given to Justin, who thought it would be a great idea to put Brad Joseph on his shoulders and dance around like a lunatic. He was invincible at the time, but boy the next day did he hurt. Justin, pretty much paralysed with a fucked back, soldiered on and went camping. He also had to endure a certain someone's reckless driving through the streets of Willoughby. What a trooper. 

Entertainment to get you through the next day:
  • Sarah, Ingrid and I enjoyed a serving of I Know What You Did Last Summer, Dating in the Dark and Entourage to help us through our hang over. I forgot how booby (and bad) that film is. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jennifer Love Hewitt fleet about in the tightest tops. 
  • YouTube also provided us with some quality LOLZ. Our fave clips were The Greatest Man on the Internet, Where's the Chapstick, Where's the Chapstick Remix, Nobody's Perfect and Sittin on the Toilet. God there are some freaks on the interweb. This will also make you think twice about going to festivals. There's a bit of Jaydos in all of us, as much as we'd hate to admit it. 

* And by healthy, I mean a healthy dose of fun! No nutritional benefits are associated with attending Field Day. 

My "quirky/cute" BFFs

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

An Ode to Seafolly

WARNING: Whingey-poo post ahead. Only read if you are female. I talk too much about my lady parts. Deal with it or don't read.

Thank you Seafolly for rescuing me in my darkest hour. Just when I was about to give up and wear a zentai suit, there you were. I had tried thousands of bikinis and nothing worked. Well, bikini isn't even the right word. Nipple cover would be more appropriate.

Everyone knows swimwear shopping is emotional torture. Especially for us mis-matched sized girls (i.e. our top size is different to our bottom size). 

Zimmermann, Tigerlily, Anna and Boy? Dream on. They don't cater for your larger busted babes, so it's off to the seedy separate section for us. I can't even look at their stuff, it's so gorgeous it breaks my heart. It makes me wishful for my pre-puberty days. Oh to be as flat as a tack! Or the toddler years, when you could get away with running around naked. 

So thank you Seafolly for making the cutest separates I've ever laid my eyes on. They're frilly, flattering and like a magical boob job. And by boob job, I mean they somehow make my boobs look smaller and perkier. They're my bikini equivalent of The One. 

And thank you Shan Dog for suggesting to pop into the sacred haven that is Seafolly and for having the patience to come cossie shopping with me. That in itself is an achievement!  

Gosh balls, bikini shopping is a hoot! Now if only I had Jess Hart's hot bod...

Monday, January 3, 2011

My Parents Were* Awesome

It's easy to forget that once upon a time, our parents weren't parents. They weren't called Mum or Dad. Their lives didn't revolve around us. They partied, they dated, they studied, they travelled the world. They were, shock horror, just like us!

The concept of this post is pinched from popular blog My Parents Were Awesome, where people are invited to post retro pictures of their folks. I've always loved looking at old home movies and photos. As a child, at bed time it would either be a story or flicking through family albums. Looking back, I am so envious of the fashion, the ever-changing hair do's, the big sunnies... My parents really were awesome!

Retro Papa Bear!
Retro Mamma Bear!
Could my Mum be any more of a babe?
Such a stunner
Mum and Edwina at Palmy
Ricko Bren was a strapping young lad

* My parents are still awesome, just thought best to keep the name of the post in line with the name of the MPWA blog.
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