Saturday, June 12, 2010

I'm a Door Bitch. I have a Clip Board and an Ear Piece. Don't Mess With Me.

Why do some jobs give people a certain air of arrogance? I accidentally ended up in The Cross for a little while last night, and between pretending to be a ventriloquist doll and being launched in the air by a male cheerleader (I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out, our behaviour was a tad rowdy), I noticed these tragic promoters taking 'happy snaps' of the patrons.

The moment was so forced, like hey guys please act like you're having the time of your life and we'll take a photo of it. They were rushing around like they were super important. Then again, holding a clip board and having an ear piece is the pinnacle of success these days. You know you've made it when you're pimped out with that kind of shit.

So, in homage to all you Door Bitches out there, here is my top 5 occupations that that turn people into wankers. Or maybe they're jobs wankers gravitate towards.

The Top 5 Wanker Jobs:

1. "Promoters"/ door bitches: aka wannabe models who have OD'ed on fake tan and prance about in pleather jumpsuits trying to channel Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, but ending up somewhere between a Bad Britney and Tara Reid. This isn't a real occupation.

2. Bartenders: Now, it's no secret I love a hot bartender. But be warned, those who work in this industry can easily catch a severe case of I'm-in-love-with-myself-itis. I don't know why there's so much arrogance when they're just pouring drinks to earn a living. Maybe it's all the incestuous activity that goes on behind the scenes.

3. Middle aged homeware ladies: I loathe North Shore/ Eastern suburbs Prude and Trude types who are so bored and decide to work in snooty gift shops to keep busy.

4. People who work in General Pants: Have you noticed that most people who work there LOVE themselves? I don't know what it is? I guess you have to be pretty rad to work in retail though, huh. I always walk out of that shop furious with how many times I've been called babez.

5. Butlers: At least they are being paid to be a wanker.

As a side note, don't you hate how happy the people are at Boost Juice? You're just making juice, there's no need to break into song and dance - chill out.


  1. hahaha channelled so much appropriate rage.

    let's not forget im a bartender...but i don't THINK i'm a wanker about it...

  2. Bella,
    If you think General Pants, wait till you go into Abercrombie and Fitch store in New York. In the warmer months, guys stand at the door topless, and all of the people inside dance around like they're in a club and having the time of their life. Much much worst than General Pants
    Em Shep

  3. Re. Middle-aged Prude and Trude types
    Can I add posh cake shops along the same lines? I asked the woman at the local posh cake shop (I only went there cos I was running late) to cut the cake into 16 cos I had 16 students and she informed me it would ruin the integrity of the cake and wouldn't do more than eight.

  4. No no. Topshop on Oxford St. is the worst of them all. Everyone calls you babez, but in a cockney accent, all the guys are hipsters for the sake of being hipsters, and everyone has ditched raybans for John Lennon glasses. Maybe it's just me, but that place triggers me into a blind rage.

  5. Bahahaha "integrity of the cake". I die when people call me babez. It's like fuck u I'm 2 years older than you and would probably take less offence if u called me ma'am.

  6. hun is fine but babe or darling no way. stop patronising the shit out of me.


  7. male cheerleaders are hot

  8. I promise I shall never work in homewares. love Mum aka Prue


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