Monday, May 31, 2010

If Your Facebook Profile Was Your CV, Would You Be Hired?

What does your Facebook profile say about you? Is every second picture you pulling an orgasm face? Or trashed? Or doing the snake mouth pout with the strategically placed hand on the hip, to allude to the always lusted after 'skinny arm'? Are your status updates bitchy and crude? Would you be comfortable with your future employers perusing your page, instead of your CV?

Mia Freedman wrote a
great article in Sunday Life, confessing to perving the social media profiles of her potential PA's, instead of their resumes. Mia says, "Without even thinking about it, the first thing I did before interviewing the five candidates was to look them up on Facebook and Twitter... I didn't need to glance at a single CV to eliminate three girls, based on their social media profiles alone."

And it's true, who doesn't turn to Facebook to cross reference a person? If someone looks like an arrogant wanker in their profile, then I probably won't go on that date with them. I'm always cautious of people who have over 1000 friends too. Come on, that's just weird. No one has a 1056 friends in real life. We all judge new people from their Facebook page.

Mia's article is a harsh reminder that what you do online, can always come back to haunt you. I reckon there are little snitches out there, slowly cultivating all the naive status updates of future politicians and at the peak of their career will whip out their embarrassing, ignorant tweets from the past and bring them down. You watch, status scandals will replace sex scandals.

So be careful kids, tweet nicely.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Things I've Learnt While Travelling....

The other week, I dug my backpack out from the cupboard. I put him in the corner of my room and have gradually started to add little bits and pieces that I'll be needing for my trip. The pile is getting bigger and bigger and this means my trip is getting closer and closer.

Tonight I added my beautiful, leather travel diary the girls gave me for my birthday. I am so excited to write in it while I'm away. It reminded me of my other travel diary I kept on my last trip. I wrote in it religiously and it's one of my most treasured possessions.

Here is an excerpt from a list I kept at the back of my diary from my trip in 2008, of all the silly and sometimes helpful things you learn as you go. I've published it on my old blog before, but thought why not do a re-run in celebration of the adventure that's just around the corner. Welcome to the secret world of backpacking, I can't wait to do it all over again!

  • It becomes normal to wash your clothes in the shower.
  • Wearing the same outfit 3 - 4 + days in a row (with an undergarment change of course) is OK!
  • Food that doesn't come out of a packet / tin / microwave is a luxury.
  • Earplugs are a magical and ingenious invention and only fools travel without them.
  • Carrying around a backpack that is bigger than you probably means you have packed too much.
  • Always say yes.
  • Take the scenic route.
  • It can take up to two hours to find the supermarket in Russia. And it was right in front of you the whole time. May be best to brush up on your Cyrillic. 
  • You can have the most interesting conversations with fellow travellers in hostels, learn so much about them yet never exchange names.
  • Paprika flavoured chips taste as bad as they sound.
  • If a 14 hour bus ride on horrendous roads is the cheapest option, take it!
  • There should be separate dorms for snorers and non snorers.
  • A beany hides any bad hair day (and 5cm of roots).
  • ALWAYS keep your hands in your pockets around Sacre Cure otherwise you will end up with a 'good jiggy jiggy bracelet' from a pesky Jamaican scammer for 2 euro.
  • Getting matted dreadlocks in your hair that you have to cut out is a good sign it's time to brush it.
  • The Church of Spilled Blood, in St Petersburg, is the most breathtaking thing you'll ever see in your life.
  • Having a chocolate croissant every morning for breakky is totally acceptable if you're in Paris.
  • If you don't have butter to cook with beer is a suitable replacement.
  • You will become a default vego only because you cannot read what meat is at the supermarket and are scarred from the one time you took the risk with a Polish sausage you were suppose to boil but instead fried and spent the whole night hoping not to be sick.
  • An early train /plane/bus to catch justifies Maccas breakfast.
  • Bed bugs favourite dish is the face and neck - they always devour the most visible parts.
  • Shampoo works just as well as soap.
  • Snow can even make a porta loo look pretty.
  • Try to think in Pounds and Euro, converting back to the Aussie dollar will only give you an instant rage attack.
  • Months of un-shaven leg hairs = extra insulation and warmth.
  • Dutch stairs are a broken leg waiting to happen.
  • Inevitably the first people you meet when you walk into a hostel will be Aussie.
  • A pastry based diet with little to no fruit for 5 months results in constant, huge purple bags under your eyes so big you could carry the shopping with them.
  • Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. Meeting generous, friendly locals restores your faith in humanity.
  • Arriving at a new city even after 5 months of being on the go, still gives you a rush of excitement and curiosity.

Remember Dunkaroos?

Every weekend my Papa Bear and I do the grocery shopping together. It's our weekly ritual to hit up Coles on a Sunday. It used to a be Saturday, but we find the supermarket much more pleasant on a Sunday. Less crowds.

Having a younger brother, I am in charge of picking his school snacks. But really, I use this as an excuse to re-visit my childhood and stock up on old school snacks from yesteryear.

Today I picked an absolute blast from the past, chocolate Dunkaroos. Remember the little biscuits that dunk in the chocolate dipper thingo that tastes like nutella. I am super excited to demolish mine tomorrow. James on the other hand, was less thrilled. "I don't really like those," he said.

Other snacks I've grown quite fond of and remind me of primary school -

  • Digestive biscuits (such an off-putting name for such a yummy treat, actually eating one right now. I wonder if they really do help you digest?)
  • Zoopa Doopas
  • Ruffles chips (S&Vs of course)
  • LCMs
  • Le Snacks
What food reminds you of being a kid?

Brain Cell Destroying Teeve

Want to lose some brain cells? Then I'd suggest these terribly shit, but deliciously great reality TV shows. It's junk food for your brain.

Pretty Wild: Wow, this horrendous but addictive. Pretty Wild follows three spoilt brat, sisters living in LA. Think Lindsay Lohan on crack, multiplied by three. Their mother is a former lingerie model and manages the girls' aspiring modelling careers. Like all Hollywood dramas, of course there is a run in with the law. The show documents the middle sister, Alexis's court case. She was arrested for being involved with a group that broke into the homes of celebrities. It's tears, tits and tanties galore.

Toddlers and Tiaras: I still can't believe this show exists. I watched it with my little brother and he had to walk out of the room because he was so disgusted. He is 14. It's pretty much crazy stage mums, saying they aren't crazy stage mums while spray tanning their four year old daughters, dressing them up as mini-hookers and making them perform in beauty pageants.

Kendra: This is my favourite show on Channel E! Kendra is a spin-off from the hugely successful Girls of the Playboy Mansion. My sister and I love it. The theme song is particularly hilarious. And even though Kendra is painfully bogan and dumb, there is something so loveable about her. Her hubby Hank is a genuinely good guy and a massive improvement from her ex, Hugh Hefner. The show follows Kendra and Hank playing happy families with their new bub, Hank Junior.

Millionaire Matchmaker: Patti Stranger is a third generation matchmaker who runs The Millionaires Club, a dating service that aims to match millionaires with their potential wives, aka Gold Diggers. It truly is car crash TV. If you don't follow Patti's rules there's sure to be trouble. She's a dating guru and without her feisty rants the show would be nothing.

If you're feeling noticeably dumber after all this gorging then I'd suggest an immediate detox, with the help of the following shows. 

Antiques Roadshow: These tweed clad, silver foxes sure know their shit. There's something so sexy about their endless knowledge of artifacts. It's the perfect show to watch with your Grandma. Who knew antiques could be so enjoyable?

Media Watch: Oh Jonathan Homes, you cheeky devil you. I reckon this is one of the best shows on telly. It's short, sharp and well researched and the only program that investigates and challenges the Australian media and exposes the truth.

Australian Story: More often than not, this show will have me in tears. There is no narration, rather the stories are told by family and friends. Fascinating documentaries about famous and unknown Aussies.

- Anything on the History Chanel, Bio, Nat Geo and Animal Planet is sure to give you back some intelligence.

Singlet Tops Are Not Dresses!

Dear People who wear singlet tops as dresses, please don't. It's a burden on the community. I don't think you realise how much stress it causes us worrying if we'll accidentally be exposed to something we don't want to see. A sneaky nip slip here, or an arse cheek there.

It's great you have such body confidence, but why not embrace that by wearing some AWESOME CLOTHES that actually cover your bits and flatter your bod?

This singlet-top-as-dress-phenomenon is sweeping the nation, and it needs to be stopped. The next time you see a singlet top clad chick, please whisk her away to the nearest shop and buy her some emergency pants. You can claim this back as a tax deductible charity donation through my new foundation, Pants for the Pantless.

But if you're really adamant on being a Pantless Citizen, then at least do it with a leotard a la Lady Gaga.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

This is Why I Get Up in the Morning:

The first thing I do every morning, is turn on the radio and listen to my boys. I thought I couldn't love them anymore than I do, but lo and behold, they whip out their Zentai outfits and have truly cemented themselves in my heart as Absolute Legends.

I highly recommend you join their
Facebook page. And if you're bored check out their "Tom or Alex?" photo album. I actually had tears from laughing so much.

Not an early riser? Podcast that
shiz right here. You will be a better person for it. I heart you Tom and Alex. You make every crappy, cold morning more bearable.

Putting the Tits Back into Politics

Shan Dog and I were reading status updates on the train home tonight, as we often do in silly voices, and this typo made my day - polititians. It sure does sound a lot sexier that politicians. I think more poeple would consider a career in politits too. Bad spelling does serve a purpose - great LOLZ!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Maya's Epic Busking Adventure

My gorgeous, hilarious, clever, adroable (how many adjectives can I fit in one sentence?) friend, Maya, has started a blog. Go wig it out - What You Can Do With a Bachelor of Arts. It's going to document her epic busking adventure from London (Ontario) to Sydney (Nova Scotia). It's sure to give you some good LOLZ.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Should I Take My Baby Backpacking?

You may remember when I fell in love with a pair of Fendi sunglasses. They are the nicest thing I own. If I died it would be the only asset that I'd have to give to my family and friends. They'd have to split a lens each.

I am debating if I should take them backpacking? Sunnies don't have a long life expectancy, they habitually break or get lost. That's why I have always been so anti dropping the big bucks on them because you'll only be heart broken when they inevitably die. I know us backpackers are suppose to live up to the scruffy stereotype, and trust me I do the shabby backpacker thing very well. I'm just wondering if I should tempt fate and bring them?

Or should I go to Sporty-G and get twenty buck knock offs? Seeing as though I lost my i-pod in the first week of my last trip to Euro I'm thinking Sporty-G might be the best bet.

BUT THEY ARE JUST SO PRETTY AND WE LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER, I know I will have withdrawals if I don't bring them..... What to do?


Definition: Feeling super ugly (fugly) courtesy of the winter weather. Think pale skin and extra pudge due to an increased intake of comfort foods to keep warm. Today was one of the worst Winter-Fug days I've ever had. And it's not even officially winter yet, uh-oh....

Oh, hang on a second! I'm off to Europe in three weeks! At least that will fix the pale skin problem!

Monday, May 24, 2010

I is Zee-bra

This is my little brother James. He is a funny dude.

This is him wearing his cool, new zebra jumper hanging with the gnome cake. When he wears it you have to say "I is Zee-bra" in a LOLCATS voice. It's a very entertaining activity, I highly recommend you all get zebra jumpers and join in the fun.

You were on my mind all day....

Sweet, sweet, gnome cake, I can't stop thinking about you.... As soon as I got home all I wanted to do was devour you.

I'm eating you as I type and you taste a dream. You are probably the yummiest cake I've had in my life.

It's a lemon meringue pie that Sue bought for Dad's birthday. Don't you think the meringues look like gnome hats / dribble sand castles?

I'm off to have thirds now.

I Love Lucy

Mondays are hard. There is no sound quite like your alarm on a Monday morning. Depresso.

But then, there is no sound quite like a gorgeous four year old girl ringing you (with the help of her mum) on a Monday morning just to see what you're up to because she misses you. As I was about to fall asleep on the train today, my phone rang and little Lucy's voice was at the other end. We chatted and giggled and it was such a good start to the week.

It was just one of those things that really does make you all warm and fuzzy inside and and even though I was her nanny, I can still be her friend.

Well Said Rob

An interesting read, by a friend of mine - Behavioural Relationship Philosophy.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hippy Burrrfday Farjha!

Oh LOLCATS, thanks for providing us with endless LOLZ. We love you, so we decided to make our Papa Bear's burrrfday card LOL CATS themed. Here is a virtual version of his card (must be read in LOLCATS voice) -

Dear Dads, we are be wishing you the happy burffdays. We be hopings you have the goodest of days with lots of the nom nom food treats! Thanks for being the nice dads. We like you be celebrating your burffdays! Love the kids who are being your properties and you not be able to get rid of.

Winter Wish List: Snuggle Socks

My sister and I almost had a heart attack yesterday when we saw these soft pink angora snuggle socks by Peter Alexander (he calls them slipper socks, but I reckon they should be called snuggle socks). Sadly they are $65 and seeing as though we both are on a tight budget we couldn't justify spending all that skrilla on fluffy socks. But my God they are soft. And snuggly. And stripey! And pink! And the seude soles and pom poms are to die for. They are heaven in a sock.

I think life would always be good if I had these socks on my feet.

Maybe next winter. Or if anyone wants to buy them for me as an early Christmas present, go right ahead. You can email me for my postal address.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Sushi for Beginners

I'm not a fussy eater. But like most people, I have a few things I just can't stomach. Unfortunately sushi is one of them. This genuinely upsets me, I really wish I liked it. It's a cheap, quick and healthy snack. I've tried to enjoy it, but we're just not compatible. I feel like I'm missing out on this special sushi club. Everyone is always dashing off for their little pow-wows at Sushi Train, it seems like lots of fun!

On one of my first days at work, the office went out for sushi. It was one of the most nerve wracking experiences of my life. Being the New Girl I felt it would be extremely rude to turn my nose up at the food, so I did what any polite person would do and forced myself to eat it with a smile on my face. Being an amateur chopstick chick, do you know what I did? I ate it with a fork. A FREAKIN' FORK. Have you ever tried to eat sushi with a fork? It's not a good look. I must have looked so un-cultured. I have never felt more embarrassed and spastic in my life. But somehow I managed to eat every single piece.

My other weird food thing is seafood. I think this stems from watching My Girl (the best movie in the history of life) a few too many times. In one scene, Vada is eating seafood and asks her dad's girlfriend if she likes seafood and then opens her mouth, showing all the chewed up food and says "SEE food."

I've always feared that I'd get stuck in a situation where I'd have to eat seafood and this eventually happened when I was staying at a family friend's place in England. They were so sweet and had prepared an amazing seafood chowder for me. They wanted to give me a hearty, homemade meal as I had been backpacking and living off tinned food for months. And even though I wanted to vomit with every mouthful, I ate the whole thing (bar a piece of creepy looking fish). This is one of the biggest achievements in my life. It's right up there with graduating.

But finally I have found some sushi I actually enjoy. It has some fancy name but really it's just rice wrapped in tofu. It's delicious and a weird mix of sweet and savoury. Although it might not be your hardcore sushi, it still technically is sushi, albeit a Westernised version. But hey it's official, I LIKE SUSHI (it's fun to say!) The other night on the train home Shan Dog shared it with me. I took a cautious first bite and then hoovered down the whole thing.

SHAN DOG: Yay, now I can take you to Sushi Train!

ME: Oh my God! I've found a type of sushi I like! I can finally be part of the Sushi Club!

And sushi and I lived happily ever after.

A Treat for your Ears

Me likey this song - Living in America, by Dom

What's in a Name?

For a while now, I've been tossing up whether I should change the name of my blog. I honestly can't make up my mind. So I'm letting you decide.

Should I keep it as Lowbrow Hoo-ha? Or, should I change it to Every Man and his Blog? I'm a sucker for shitty pun, but is everymanandhisblog just too shit of a pun? Or is it apt, because literally every man and his dog has a blog these days?

I love Lowbrow Hoo-ha but a fresh change could be fun....

HALP ME ?*&^%$#@!?

Trends Twenty-Ten, Spew or Do?

Pastel Nail Polish: Loving this, refreshing change from all the emo greys and blacks. If I wasn't saving I'd be spending all my money on OPI's mint blue shade, yum!

Pastel Hair / Grey Rinses: Hmm, if it doesn't look good on Ruby Rose, it won't look good on anyone. Leave the pastel play for your nails only.

Biker Boots: I think biker boots look foul when they're all by themselves. But when you pair them with a cute floral dress and stockings it's a clever way to match something fem, with something tough. The best of both worlds.

Socks and Ankle Boots: Huge fan. The Harajuku Girls were onto this years ago, way ahead of trend.

Denim on Denim: No way. I refuse. I don't care how many people say it's cool. Double denim will never fly in my books.

Big Buns: The old faithful bun. Where would I be without you? You save my arse most days of the week.

Thick, Sculpted Eyebrows: Bushy eyebrows are back, according to the mags. Which is good because I loathe pencil thin brows. So come and get your bush on.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Bad Hair Day

Sometimes I wish I was a dude. Not because I have any gender confusion issues, but because it would be so sweet to roll out of bed, chuck on a suit, not look in the mirror and walk out the door.

Unfortunately being a lady, you can't get away with that. We have to pluck, scrub, blow dry, exfoliate, jhoozh, etc etc etc. The list is endless.

But some days, I honestly don't give a fuck about what I look like. Some days I am just too tried to try and coordinate a cute outfit, with straight hair and nice makeup. Which always backfires when you get to work and are surrounded by beautiful women who could be mistaken for models and you look like a homeless, 14 year old ghost.

Today I hit the snooze button about 5 times before rolling out of bed. My hair looked like I'd been electrocuted so I quickly jumped in the shower. I didn't have time to blow dry it and threw it up in an emergency bun. I was worried that once it dried it would be all fluffy and my fringe would poke up, so I decided to hair spray it.

Do you know what I learnt today? NEVER PUT HAIR SPRAY IN WET HAIR. The water and hairspray will form a white, flaky paste once your hair has dried. This paste looks a lot like home made glue that you used to make when you were a kid with flower and water. This paste could also be mistaken for leave in head lice treatment, or better still, actual head lice. Yep, it wasn't until 10.30am when I was washing my hands in the loo and caught a glimpse of my tired arse face in the mirror that I realised what my hair looked like. I almost died. Luckily I carry an emergency comb and was able to brush out the flakes.

I just hope no one thought I had head lice. God it would be good to be guy.

Something Old, Something New

Here's a taste of Perth band Pendulum remixing the iconic ABC news theme song. I love it! Thanks TB for showing me.

What do you think? Spew or do?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Jerk Watch 2010

I bumped into an acquaintance on Saturday night. He was in the line to World Bar waiting to get in and I was sitting on the veranda outside. We met eyes over the fence and said our stock standard hellos. I made polite small talk because I believe in good manners (and we were kinda stuck next to each other). He, on the other hand did not.

HIM: Can you get me?

ME: Umm, I don't think so I don't know anyone that works here. Sorry. How have you been?

HIM: Yeah, yeah... less chatting, more getting me in.

ME: Hmmm, maybe they'll let you in if you take off that pretentious scarf?

HIM: No way, I'm not taking this off.

He blew me a kiss and walked away. It was so rehearsed and mechanical that my friend's and I all burst out laughing. You can just image him practising his little kiss routine in the mirror. Sometimes bars are too small to fit such big egos. I'm glad the wanker didn't get in.

Public Displays of Affection Gone Mad

I like holding hands with a boy as much as the next person. A little bit of a cuddle and a kiss in public is totally fine. But there is definitely a line when it comes to public displays of affection. I cringe when I see any hand on buttocks action (even worse when it's hand on bare buttocks, ie. they've delved underneath the pantaloons). I can't stand it when couples spend the whole night pashing. Why bother coming out if you're just going to eat face and whisper sweet nothings in cooooouite baby voices the whole time? How anti-social.

On Saturday night, my friends were witness to a frisky couple having sex on the couch at World Bar. Yes, you heard me, sex. I was out the front being a dirty, drunken smoker and missed the whole ruckus. But if you don't believe me, here is the photographic evidence. Obviously the look on Justin's face is a clear indication that they are indeed getting jiggy. I won't go into the graphic details of what they saw, but it was definitely on like Donkey Kong.

Then on my lunch break this Monday, while trying to eat my Vegie sambo in peace, two randy high school kids dry humped each other on the food court bench, for all to see. The girl was literally straddling the dude like a bloody pommel horse. Luckily a cranky old lady lived up the her stereotype and told them off.

Here I was thinking the hand on derriere was crass. Wow. Welcome to a whole new world of spewy.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Slow Saturday?

Someone asked me if I was having a slow Saturday because every time they logged onto Facebook I'd written another article.

Well, good sir, it's quite the opposite in fact. I cannot tell you how much I love my Saturdays. They're the busiest and most productive day of the week and I don't even have to get out of my pyjamas.

If you hadn't noticed, my blog is my baby, so spending my Saturday writing on him is my idea of heaven. There's no denying we all spend a lot of time online these days, so you may as well be doing something productive and fun!

Girl Talk

Backslide: Definition- Hooking up / getting back together with an ex. Ohh yes, the good old backslide. 99% of people have been guilty of some sort of backsliding, that's why you should always implement the golden rule of never bitching too vigorously about a friend's ex, as you never know what will happen. Another tip to prevent backsliding: do not drink and slide, one should always remain sober around one's ex.

Back-Up Boy: Definition - Someone who is a bit comme ci, comme ├ža. They're nothing special but a good time filler until someone exciting comes along.

Butterfly Boy: Definition - Interesting, witty, clever people who genuinely give you butterflies. Someone you click with and would like to date.

Band-Aid Boy: Definition - A rebound boy (or girl), used as a healing device to get over a break-up. You never date Band-Aid Boys, you only meet up with them on nights out. Band-Aid Boys (and girls) must be super fun, and good dancers.

The Secret Napping Society

The other day, I was so exhausted I decided to have a cheeky nap in my lunch break. And man oh man was it amazing. Napping is a great passion of mine, I first became a fan all those years ago in pre-school but napping is in my genes. I come from a strong line of nappers.

I think midday naps should be encouraged in the work place. In high school, Faen and I would nap for entire lunch breaks in our beloved retreat "The Nook" (a hidden, cosy little nook off from our locker room). At uni, I took refuge in the snuggly chairs of the Club Mac library. And now I'm in the "work force" I'm using the grass of Hyde Park as my bed.

You may think it's weird to nap in a public place, but you'd be surprised how many people do it. There really is a Secret Napping Society. Schmick businessmen in their fancy pants suits sprawl out on the grass and catch some z's. If they can do it, anyone can. Be sure to dust yourself off after your nap though, one does not want to return to the office with grass, cigarette butts and other miscellaneous park crap on their person. Oh no, that would look rather unprofessional.

So dear reader, I invite you to join the Secret Napping Society. It's better than binging on 3 coffees a day. I went back to work feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the afternoon.

* My Mum asked me how an earth I wake up from these lunch time naps, the simple trick is setting the alarm on your mobs.
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