Friday, April 30, 2010

Textiquette

You can gauge a lot of information from text messages. Nothing kills me more than a bad texter. One word replies? Um, see you later. Lack of flirty banter and wit? No thanks. Bad spelling - don't even get me started. But a good texter? A good texter can make your day.


When it comes to texting with the opposite sex, I find the most fascinating elements are the little mind games you play with how long you leave in between replies. It's the technological version of hard to get. Too quick to reply (ie. 5 mins - half an hour) is usually perceived as too keen. Taking a day to respond is just plain rude and you may as well not bother writing back (which is a very effective, yet cruel way to show you're not interested). Anywhere between 5-8 hours is the benchmark for treating them mean and keeping them keen. They're interested, but they're playing it cool.


Another conundrum is the pressing question: to kiss or not to kiss? And if I sign off with a kiss should I do one or two? Naturally to friends I am a "x x" girl, I do it without even thinking. But with boys I usually suss out whether or not they are kissers and follow their lead. In my books, emoticons are a big no no. If used moderately I can make an exception to the rule. If used in jest I'll think you're pretty funny. But nothing makes my skin crawl more than a :P :S or ;)

It's pretty silly that we analyse all this crap, but FYI it's what women do best. But when you genuinely like someone (ie. they are a Butterfly Boy) then fuck it I say, and reply straight away! Life's too short to waste time in between texts. And life's too short to always be communicating through phones and The Interweb. If you really like someone, ask them on a date and have a face-to-face conversation. Remember those.
Pokey tongue? Don't even think about it. 


Monday, April 26, 2010

Getting Jiggy With The Bedroom Philosopher

The Bedroom Philosopher’s latest LP, Songs From The 86 Tram, had me giggling from start to finish. It’s not an easy task to pull off music comedy, but Heazlewood does with gusto. Justin’s stage name, ‘The Bedroom Philosopher’, was coined during his Triple J days when producer Vicki Kerrigan said his lyrics were like ‘bedroom philosophy’. The name stuck and soon announcers were calling him ‘The Bedroom Philosopher.’



The album embraces a blend of genres and characters and is set on Melbourne’s famous 86-tram route. But you don’t have to be a Melbournite to listen to this, Heazlewood has his finger firmly on the pop culture pulse and his witty references of all things current will definitely impress you.


Justin plays eleven different personas, each song introduces a new character and their unique story. “This album is an exercise in character exploration. In comedy, bogans get made fun of all the time, and old people and junkies are easy targets. I was interested in also taking on demographics that are rarely satirised in any way,” he says. From a Sudanese refugee who loves AFL, a broken hearted Irish backpacker who ‘can’t cut up the photos of us because they’re on Facebook,’ to a jaded, middle aged mum who fantasizes about Andre Rieu – it’s Chris Lilley meets Flight of the Concords and it’s fucking hilarious.


The stand out track, Northcote (So Hungover) is going to be massive. Already on high rotation at Triple J, Justin nails the Indie rocker accent and I actually know people who sound like this! It's obvious he puts immense amount of effort into the characterisation of his subjects. Another gem is New Media, a clever piss take on uber creative types who are 'full of ideas' and rushing off to important meetings. But if you’re thinking it’s all laughs, you’re wrong. The acoustic number, A Song To Nod Off To, serves as a refreshing divide between all the humour.


Songs From The 86 Tram is musically rich as it is funny. From hip-hop, piano ballards, yacht rock and Indie. Is there anything this writer, comedian and singer can’t do? It appears not. The Bedroom Philosopher even holds a world record for the longest continuous singing of John Farnham’s “You’re The Voice.” Justin says, “I sung it for 9 hours. I intended to go for 12 but I got bored in the end. It was a publicity stunt. The best thing about it was I had the lyrics on a sheet in front of me and after nine hours I still didn’t know the lyrics. My brain was rejecting them.”


Um Justin, you are funniest person in the world.


Want to get jiggy with the Bedroom Philosopher? His album is out now and tickets to his Sydney gig this Thursday are only fifteen bucker. You can buy them here – www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au

Sunday, April 25, 2010

My Nanny Has Good Taste in Music

(In the car today with my sister and Grandma listening to the radio, Shooting Stars comes on)



SISTER: Ugh, they played this song three times last night.


ME: I know, what a joke.


NANNY: Can you turn it up? It's interesting to hear what you kids listen to.... Hmmm, I quite like this.


Congratulations by MGMT then comes on


NANNY: I don't mind this one either. Who's it by?


SISTER: A band call M-G-M-T.


NANNY: Yes, it's quite soft and nice.


And that's one of the very many reasons why i have the best Nanny in the world.


Quote of the Week -

Sam De Brito, A Heads up from the Spin Doctor in S Magazine: "The dawn service, whether at Gallipoli, Geelong or Gerringong, is one of the most haunting, genuinely Aussie moments you can ask for. It's near impossible to stand in the dark listening to the Last Post and not to be moved by what thousands of men and woman gave up, so all these decades later we could tweet and complain about traffic."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Trends Twenty-Ten, Spew or Do?

Thigh High Boots: As much as I wish I could pull this off, my pathetic stumps of legs really can't. It looks great on long limbed folk, but it must be worn with confidence.


Long Sleeve Minis: I'm very excited to be rocking the long sleeved mini dress come winter. A perfect way to spruce up the bla-ness of your winter wardrobe.


Leather: I am really getting into the leather craze. Be careful what you pair it with though to prevent feeling hooker-esque. Definitely should not be coupled with thigh high boots.


Pattern on pattern: Approach with caution. Certain combinations look fab but it can also look like you're trying too hard to be wacky and different.



Image courtesy of online fashion shop asos

The Key to Saving? Credit Card Confiscation, Vegemite and Freebies

After next weekend I'm going into EXTREME savings mode. At the moment I'm just in SEMI savings mode and it's not going very well. I'll freak out about money and swear I'm only going to spend $31 a week on my train ticket, then I'll somehow, accidentally end up with a $160 leather mini skirt. This is why earlier in the week I made my brother hide my credit card. It truly is the devil disguised in plastic.


I promise I've been trying. I've cut out buying lunch (except for Mad Mex Fridays) and everyday I eat a foul Vegemite sandwich. If I'm up for a flavour sensation or in a crazy mood I'll add cheese to spice things up. It's pretty depressing whipping out my pathetic sandwich and having to watch Shannon eat an amazing meal (which I'll usually end up finishing off). I suffer lunch envy pretty much everyday.


Yesterday, it was just too much. I took a few bites and threw Mr Vegie in the bin. I fell captive to the smells of the David Jones' food court and scrounged together $4 of shrapnel. I was going to break the rules and buy a spring roll but then I stumbled across a free cheese stall! Even though they were handing out little morsels of brie it easily trumped my lunch. Then, if things couldn't get any better I found a sausage stall just around the corner from the cheese stall. The man, James to be precise, was lovely. He said he hadn't had many people try his gluten free sausages and I was welcome to eat as many as I liked. We hung out for a good 5 minutes while he explained the texture, ingredients and best way to cook them. I tuned out and stuffed myself silly. There was even fancy pants DIPPING SAUCE. Who says gluten free can't be yummy? So I put my coins back into my purse and walked out of DJs fuller and richer.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Power of Print

We Surf The Internet. We Swim in Magazines, by Jim Fiscus (ESPN The Magazine):

"The Internet is exhilarating. Magazines are enveloping. The Internet grabs you. Magazines embrace you. The Internet is impulsive. Magazines are immersive. And both media are growing.

Barely noticed amidst the thunderous Internet clamor is the simple fact that magazine readership has risen over the past five years. Even in the age of the Internet, even among the groups one would assume are most singularly hooked on digital media, the appeal of magazines is growing.

Think of it this way: during the 12-year life of Google, magazine readership actually increased 11 percent.

What it proves, once again, is that a new medium doesn’t necessarily displace an existing one. Just as movies didn’t kill radio. Just as TV didn’t kill movies. An established medium can continue to flourish so long as it continues to offer a unique experience. And, as reader loyalty and growth demonstrate, magazines do.


Which is why people aren’t giving up swimming, just because they also enjoy surfing."

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Contractual Obligations of a Best Friend:

- Must deliver Maccas when extremely hung over.
- Must share wardrobes / meals.
- Must provide pep talks before dates.
- Must give honest feedback when trying on clothes.
- Must listen to endless whingeing and whinge back to even the score.
- Never date one's brother / ex boyfriend / crush.

Best Friends Love Dear Images

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Treat For Your Ears

Hit up iTunes for Sarah Blasko's Hold on my Heart, remixed by The Presets. It's an odd coupling but these opposites attract and they make good music babies together.

I Wish it Wasn't Faux Pas to Ask Strangers for Food

Nothing is more painful than having to smell delicious KFC chips for the entire train ride home. But nothing would be creepier than some weirdo ask you for one. So I went home and ate 3 rashers of ham instead. It wasn't quite the same but it was the best thing we had in the fridge.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Quote of the Week:

Shaun Micallef , on Talking 'bout Your Generation: "TV is like an impossible steak. It's rare when it's well done."

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Naughty Words I Shouldn't be Using

Devo: abbreviation of devastated.

Totes: abbreviation of totally, I lurrrrve this word. I started using it as a joke, but now it's part of my vocab. I think on average I'd drop about x15 tote bombs a day, it's a filthy habit.


Deffers/defs: abbreviation of definitely, I defs can't shake this one either.

Oh Em Gee: as in Oh My God.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaarlink: I use this word when I'm imitating snobs. It must be done in a Prude and Trude voice.


Yes, I am a product of the times.

Opposite of a Domestic Goddess

My culinary skills extend as far as bacon and eggs. When my family is so lucky to have me cook for them, it takes about 2 hours and I somehow manage to use every single utensil in the kitchen to produce average looking slop, also known as dinner. Cous cous and I don't get on very well. It takes me about 3 goes and a whole packet later to get it right. I can't make a bed (but I can make killer cubbies!) I hate folding things. I don't believe in ironing. I recently wrapped one of my best friend's 21st presents in pink "it's a baby girl!" paper because that's all we had. When I gave it to her I apologised and said "well, you were a baby girl this time 21 years ago." Yes, I really do need to get that Dip. Jhoozh asap.

Happy Weekend

I am obsessed with this song (Paper Romance) at the moment. Enjoy it on the dance floor, driving or getting ready for your night out. It's the perfect weekend tune. Well done Groove Armada, you're back with a vengeance.

PS. it's an oldie but a goodie - Saturday Night by Matt Van Schie always works wonders to get me in the mood for weekend rampaging.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Days Gone By....

Yesterday I graduated with a BA in Media and Cultural Studies, majoring in Print Media. You'd think after all the money you pay going to uni they could bloody well write your actual degree on the piece of paper properly, but the stingy bastards simply wrote "Bachelor of Arts". Excuse me, I did a jazzed up arts degree thank you very much. Luckily, the real name of my degree is on my academic record but it will forever shit me that The Official Piece of Paper isn't correct.


We were oh so fortunate to receive a mind numbing speech from some big shot "my-thesis-was-the-best-in-Australia" lady.... Most of the audience fell asleep and I felt like I was back in a painful Cultural Studies lecture, trying to sift through all the wanky jargon. I find it a little alarming that I supposedly have a degree in Cultural Studies yet I didn't understand a bloody word of this woman's speech. Shows how much I loved that part of my degree. As soon as she dropped the Foucault bomb I tuned out. But what's a graduation without a boring speech?
My mortar board caused me a great deal of stress. Having a pea sized head, I had to wear it completely crooked to make it fit and at one point it even fucking fell off. Thank God it was when I was sitting down and not actually up on stage getting my degree. I still died from embarrassment because I was sitting up the front and it made a very loud noise when it fell. Another delete from memory moment. Aside from all the pomp and ceremony, I had a brilliant day. I got to share this milestone with my gorgeous friend Marion, who along with Shan Dog, made my last year of uni the most memorable and enjoyable of them all.


It was weird to be back there and away from the office. It made me very nostalgic towards those years I've spent at Club Mac. I'll always hold that time in a very sentimental place in my heart. I've met some amazing people through uni.


Ah, Club Mac. It may be time to say goodbye, but I'll miss you. I'll miss the endless concrete. I'll miss the creepy Ibis and the regular trips to the vending machines for chips. I'll miss getting to crank up the radio while spending 45 minutes to find a park. I'll miss my snuggly napping couch in the library. I'll miss crazy Ray. But most of all I'll miss the people. Actually, scrap that. Most of all I'll miss the sleep ins that come with the cruisey uni lifestyle. Smell ya later education.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Aidan's Back!

Ok, so it might be the most unbelievable story line but my God SATC 2 looks fabulous. Shannon and I watched it at work this morning and were screaming like two little kids. Carrie Bradshaw is smoking.

Enjoy -
Sex and the City 2 Trailer



Monday, April 12, 2010

Cuteness Overload

Do yourself a favour and puh-lease buy this months' Cosmo. Flip straight to page 132 and you will die. The "puppies + hot guys, why? Because it's our birthday" spread is the fricken cutest thing I've ever seen. I shot gun Jake with his rescue puppy on page 134. Excuse me now while I wipe the drool from my mouth.

Eww Vibes

Definition: Certain traits, fashion trends or habits in potential suitors that suddenly make you repulsed and/or turned off. Petty deal breakers. ie. "Billy Bob dances like Elaine Bennis, I'm just not attracted to him anymore." My friends and I always talk about what gives us "eww vibes". The most common seem to be -

- Bad dancing
- Slug like kissing
- Gold chains
- Tarocash shirts
- Elephant trunk jeans
- Eating with mouth open
- Bad manners towards waiters
- Overuse of LOL in text messages
- Overuse of :P :) :S or any emoticon in messages
- Mis-spelling basic words such as "definitely" (people tend to spell it "definitaly")
- Not being able to distinguish between there / their and they're
- Boasting of their God like abilities when consuming alcohol
- Sleeping with fluffy toys

What gives you Eww Vibes?

A Total Forwardsy

[Last night on the phone discussing important world issues]

ME: He's so gorgeous, he's my Dream Boy.

SHAN DOG: He didn't always look like this, he's had a hectic make-over

For a comprehensive definition of a "Forwardsy" click HERE

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Happy Monday, Here's a Bra

There are many reasons why I love my job. I'm in a building full of creative, inspirational people. I get to see one of my best friends everyday. It's totally acceptable to fix your hair and make-up in the lift mirrors. And on any given day you never know what kind of treat you could go home with.

The other Monday an email came around saying there were free bras. Not only were they free, they were made for all different shapes and sizes and for women with a fuller bust and small backs. Um, too good to be true. Thanks Curvy Kate, check out their website - www.curvykate.com

Blogaholic

I've recently come to the realisation that I'm addicted to blogging. My blog is my boyfriend, I spend so much time with him anyone would think we're going steady. Today our interweb was down and my fingers itched because I wanted to write so badly.

So do you know what I did? I picked up a pen and paper and actually wrote, instead of typing. Remember writing? It's what they did in the Olden Days. I put on Angus and Julia Stone's EP "A Heart Full of Wine" from 2007 and my ink made sweet, sweet love to the crisp white paper. I'm sad to say technology has corrupted my writing method. I write more coherently when I'm typing (if that makes any sense). I feel like everything flows better when I type. And even though I love typing, I think writing is special because unless you're anal and carry around an emergency white-out, what you write is permanent. There is no delete button. It's an exact snapshot of your thoughts at that very second. It's raw and unedited.

My crazy, amazing writing teacher Ray, (who would be very disappointed in my double whammy of adjectives I used just then) used to make our class write non-stop for ten minutes and then read out the random word vomit. It was a great exercise and that's exactly what I did this afternoon. So, my blogs from today are edited versions of my afternoon word vomit session. I hope you enjoy.

Another Triple J Crush

They sure know how to pick 'em. Here's my new crush, weekend presenter Lewis McKirdy. Not only is he a total babe, he's hilarious and great to listen to. Could he be the next Scott Dooley? Keep your eyes peeled for this clever, young whipper snapper.


PS. will you date me Lewis?



Photo courtesy of Triple J website

The Best Advice I've Ever Been Given About Writing:

Print Media lecturer Tony Davis once said, "be self deprecating, engage as an equal. No one wants to read page after page of a cocky bastard just being pretentious."

This has pretty much become the mantra of my blog.

A War of Words

FRIEND OF A FRIEND I'D MET ABOUT 5 MINS BEFORE: (as he hits me over the head with his hideous sloppy joe): You're voice is hurting my ears.

ME (as I take his jumper and hit him back): You're face is hurting my eyes.

And that's why you shouldn't bother talking to surly wankers at Establishment.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Skinny Bashing - Not a Fan

I've written various times in the past about my deep hate for people feeling like it's their business to openly comment on my physique. Yes, I am a small, small bitch. Yes, I could pass as a teenager. I get it. I know what I look like, I don't need you to remind me. But today was probably the worst I've ever had.
HER: You need to eat something, you're so skinny.


ME: No, trust me I eat like a horse. This is just my genetics - you should see my family we are all petite midgets.

A few hours later....


HER: Put on some weight! I'm going to say that everytime I see you now. Put on some weight!


ME: Um no, seriously this is just the way I am! Please don't skinny bash!


HER: Haha skinny bashing, that's a good one.


But it really isn't funny. No one wants to be told they need to put on weight. No one wants to be told they need to lose weight. I think it's safe to say you shouldn't talk about these kind of things unless you are genuinely worried about someone's health and are doing it out of concern, not spite or nastiness. Anyway, Shan Dog and I decided I'll send this certain someone email updates throughout the day of all the crap I eat, eg. Hey! Thought I'd let you know I just smashed a Happy Meal for lunch.... Yo, I just hoovered down some salt and vinegar chips, great afternoon snack!..... Mmmmmm that Buneo was delish, really helped me through the 4 o'clock rut etc.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Delete from Memory Moments

Definition: Red-faced moments that we'd rather forget, i.e. falling up a flight of stairs in public, waving back to someone who isn't actually waving at you, saying goodbye to a friend only to walk in the same direction as them, the awkward kiss/hug hello, drunk texting a potential love interest (also known as "message raping"), when your boob slips out on the red carpet to reveal an unsightly scar etc.


Ah yes, we all have them. I like to put mine straight into my Erase from Memory Vault. There they live with other humiliating tales. Like today for instance, I wore The Dress to work and a colleague said, "that dress looks cute on you Bella." Like most people, I suck at responding to a compliment. I tend to panic and come out with spontaneous word vomit. Do you know what I said in my flustered state? "I know." What I meant was, "thank you, it's a cute dress isn't it." But somehow that came out as "I KNOW". By the time I realised how wanky that sounded it was too late, the moment had passed to correct myself.


If only there was an actual erase from memory button and my dignity wouldn’t be so damaged.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter

Tom and Alex's Easter rap - enjoy!

The Tomato Man

Every night, around 9.30pm my Dad brings in two sprouting tomato plants from outside. He lays them on that days' newspaper and there they sleep in the refuge of the kitchen, away from the pesky possums.

In the morning, once the nocturnal enemy are asleep, they are put back in the sun. His devious plan is working. He lays his crop on the windowsill, like trophies.



If he looks after his plants this well, can you imagine how good he is to us kids. Here are four of his babies, they tasted delicious!

Two Identical Jackets. One Cost $6, The Other $140

My friends and I obviously share similar taste because last night I rocked up to Ingrid's birthday only to find we were wearing identical denim jackets. We have nicknamed them the "Babysitter's Club" jackets because of the old school faded denim. Cue the dance moves of dashing to a "babysitting gig" in our Babysitter's Club jackets.


So, drum roll please. Who is the idiot that forked out a hundred and forty bucks on a few bit bits of denim sewn together? And who is the genius that shops at Vinnie's and saves a fortune?


I'll let you guys decide.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Trends Twenty-Ten, Spew or Do?

Welcome to my new post where I wax lyrical about all the crazy, wonderful and foul trends that are out and about this year. First cab off the rank -


Boys in 3/4 jeans: I've been seeing it everywhere lately, boys rolling up their skinny leg jeans just a tad. I have no idea why but I like it. I think it caters for my Indie Rocker/ lead singer fetish. Yum.


Jumpsuits: I have paid jumpsuits out for quite a while, but a certain gorgeous, fashion editor was rocking one at work last Friday and she had me eating my words. She looked a million bucks. Her wise words of wisdom when it comes to working the j-suit: stick to silky fabrics and dark shades. Thank you Miss Parr.


Trackie Pants WITH HEELS: Excuse me while I spew into a bucket! No way hozay! I don't care how many fashion mags try and plug this, I refuse to jump on the bandwagon*. Remember, beautiful people can make anything look great but trackies are not for the office, dance floor, or any kind of day wear (except the park, supermarket etc).


Shoulder pads: Love, love, LOVE. The bigger the better, instant shape and sass. Can't get enough of some shoulder pad action.


Hawaiian shirts ala Leo-De-Cap in Romeo and Juliet: The lead singer of The Friendly Fires at Splendour '09 dug this trend out of the 90's cupboard and since then copy cats have mimicked Ed MacFarlane's retro look. I am a sucker for the Hawaiian shirt, so thanks Mr Mac for bringing them back.


Thoughts/feelings? Do you love/hate any of these trends? Would you wear trackies and heels? Are you like me and pay out a trend for a few weeks and eventually cave? Mark my words, *I am fickle when it comes to fashion. I'm sure you'll catch me in trackies and heels one day.



Photo courtesy of The Fifi Report

Friday, April 2, 2010

I Heart The Bedroom Philosopher

Please do yourself a favour and download 'Northcote (So Hungover)' by The Bedroom Philosopher off itunes. I heard it a few weeks ago and thought it was such a clever dig to all those Indie Rocker wannabes.

Turns out the singer is Justin Heazlewood - a senior writer at Frankie Magazine, who always manages to make me smile with his amazing writing. I thought it was impossible to love him anymore than I do.


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