It's a warm night on Phi Phi Island. I sip on my 50 cent Breezer from the supermarket with a group of ridiculously cute boys we met earlier that day. I managed to strike up a conversation when I asked them, "Have you guys seen any monkeys?" I was quite proud of this playful pick-up line and it worked a charm. The Island is called "Monkey Island" after all, and we forked over good money to see some Goddamn monkeys and when we get there lo and behold, no monkeys. The boys conceded that they hadn't seen any monkeys either, although they would be keen to go for drinks later that night.
So here we are, flirting away and watching stupid, drunk tourists jump through hoops of fire on the beach . Unfortunately there are three boys and only two of us ladies. So the Poor Old Left Over Dud is a bit grumpy pants at his exclusion and is bantering along as the smart arse extra wheel. When Poor Old Left Over Dud asks me where I come from (they are Sydney boys too) and I reply, "The North Shore," he keels over with disgust. "You are a pretentious North Shore princess," he exclaims.
I point out that had I not told him where I'd come from he'd probably never label me as a pretentious North Shore princess. I also point out that if anyone is a prince it's him in his trendy little jean shorts, fedora hat and festival-esque singlet top - all very preppy boy chic.
After much feisty debate, he cuts me a deal, "If you jump through that hoop of fire with me, you'll prove that you're not a princess." I am drunk and think I'm invincible so of course I'll do it. But before I do, I make a last ditch effort to change his mind by eating some ice cubes very unattractively out of a bucket. "Would a pretentious princess do this? You're not suppose to have any ice or water, it could have Giardia and give you the trots." But he's not convinced. He puts some ice in his mouth and says, "So what?", grabs my hand and before I know it I am leaping through a hoop of fire.
I highly doubt a pretentious princess would then proceed to jump through the hoop of fire a few more times just for fun, have a go at the fire limbo while she's at it, swim in the sea fully clothed like a drunk maniac then cut her foot on a rock and bleed all over the island as she hobbles home (thank God I got that expensive Tetanus shot, it really paid off because my foot hasn't fallen off yet. Although, I was bitten by a very ill looking dog who could have been infested with Rabies a few days later so I'll keep you posted). Not very princess like at all. More stupid, drunk tourist I reckon.