Sunday, January 31, 2010

Defeated by The Club

Last night I (ashamedly) paid TWELVE DOLLARS for a fucking glass of mediocre champagne at "The Club"... I don't care the place is swimming with models, and they make you line up like a filthy pleb for 45 minutes just to get in. No matter how trendy the flavour of the month is, they should never charge twelve bucks for the house champers.

But hey, I was thirsty and feeling like an uber pleb around the models so I choked.

"The Club": 1

Bella: 0

And surely they could have thought of a better name than "THE CLUB", perhaps Poser Central would be more fitting.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Wish I had a Dip. Jhoozh

Do they offer Diplomas in jhoozhing / frou-frouing / fluffing / making things pretty? Because I suck at it.

I can't tie Tiffany bows, I can't wrap presents, I can't channel my inner Martha Stewart.

I am an eternal grub. I don't have that anal retentive gene that makes things sparkle.

I wrap birthday presents with Christmas paper, I leave coffee circles on tables, I will always have a stain on my clothes by the end of the day, I buy make-up from the supermarket, I have chipped nail polish and uneven eyebrows.

There's lots of things I can do, but prissy presentation just ain't one of them. But I like a challenge and am determined to refine my skills (or lack thereof). Watch this space. Who says you can't teach an old slob new tricks?

I think Annabelle Brennan BA. in Media & Cultural Studies / Dip. Jhoozh (majored in bow tying, sub-majored in present wrapping) looks quite fancy pants.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Bitter Sweet

It wasn't made up in my head, there was something there. Something so close to becoming tangible, but we're at that age where religious differences are enough to keep people apart. I don't know what upsets me more - the fact I missed out on a potentially amazing relationship, or the fact it never even happened because of my lack of faith.

It's nice to know after all these months he had feelings for me too. Our flirty Fridays were definitely not constructed in my mind. I will forever treasure the things he said about me. He was the one boy in a long, long time who gave me butterflies.

Reason 505 Why I have the Biggest Crush on You: You are so grounded in your morals and would never want to hurt me because of our different lifestyles. Oh, and you happen to look like Heath Ledger . A lot like Heath Ledger. Have I mentioned that before?

Never thought I'd be relieved to know it's not me, it's Jesus.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Very Lowbrow Indeed

On the train to the city practising pretend interview questions. Feeling ill with nerves as I am about to have a real interview with the two most important people in the magazine industry, aka the Gods of ACP, aka my idols.

SHANNON: What are the three most influential books you've ever read?

ME: Umm, Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote, The Great Gatsby by F.Scott Fitzgerald and Mama Mia by Mia Freedman.

SHANNON: Ok, what movie would you say most reflects your life?

ME: They won't ask that.

SHANNON: Well think of an answer just in case.

ME: Ok, Spiceworld.

Monday, January 11, 2010

First Day Jitters

I thought I had all bases covered.

- Cute dress, tick.

- Confidence (well, it was a ruse but it appeared to be there), tick.

- Answering the phone? Pfffft that's the easiest part! OR SO I THOUGHT.....

I'm doing some data entry from a Marie Claire Magazine and the phone rings.

ME: Good morning Marie Claire Magaz.... whoops I mean Madison Magazine, Bella speaking.

There you have it folks, the most embarrassing moment of my life played out in front of the whole office. I am now the girl who can't even get the name of the magazine right. I swear it was just first day jitters and an honest mistake - I am not a ditz, promise. Hopefully I recovered ok by explaining that because I was reading the words 'Marie Claire' as the phone rang my mind had not yet clicked over to Madison mode. And hey, they both start with "M". You'll have to excuse me now, I am going to crawl into a hole and die.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Thank You Laura Marling

Probably my favourite song right now, go do your ears a favour and have a listen. Nothing like a sentimental tune about heart ache to appeal to the masses. Oh Laura, we so feel your pain. Simply stunning music, it's candy for your ears.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Things We do to Prove Ourselves

It's a warm night on Phi Phi Island. I sip on my 50 cent Breezer from the supermarket with a group of ridiculously cute boys we met earlier that day. I managed to strike up a conversation when I asked them, "Have you guys seen any monkeys?" I was quite proud of this playful pick-up line and it worked a charm. The Island is called "Monkey Island" after all, and we forked over good money to see some Goddamn monkeys and when we get there lo and behold, no monkeys. The boys conceded that they hadn't seen any monkeys either, although they would be keen to go for drinks later that night.

So here we are, flirting away and watching stupid, drunk tourists jump through hoops of fire on the beach . Unfortunately there are three boys and only two of us ladies. So the Poor Old Left Over Dud is a bit grumpy pants at his exclusion and is bantering along as the smart arse extra wheel. When Poor Old Left Over Dud asks me where I come from (they are Sydney boys too) and I reply, "The North Shore," he keels over with disgust. "You are a pretentious North Shore princess," he exclaims.

I point out that had I not told him where I'd come from he'd probably never label me as a pretentious North Shore princess. I also point out that if anyone is a prince it's him in his trendy little jean shorts, fedora hat and festival-esque singlet top - all very preppy boy chic.

After much feisty debate, he cuts me a deal, "If you jump through that hoop of fire with me, you'll prove that you're not a princess." I am drunk and think I'm invincible so of course I'll do it. But before I do, I make a last ditch effort to change his mind by eating some ice cubes very unattractively out of a bucket. "Would a pretentious princess do this? You're not suppose to have any ice or water, it could have Giardia and give you the trots." But he's not convinced. He puts some ice in his mouth and says, "So what?", grabs my hand and before I know it I am leaping through a hoop of fire.

I highly doubt a pretentious princess would then proceed to jump through the hoop of fire a few more times just for fun, have a go at the fire limbo while she's at it, swim in the sea fully clothed like a drunk maniac then cut her foot on a rock and bleed all over the island as she hobbles home (thank God I got that expensive Tetanus shot, it really paid off because my foot hasn't fallen off yet. Although, I was bitten by a very ill looking dog who could have been infested with Rabies a few days later so I'll keep you posted). Not very princess like at all. More stupid, drunk tourist I reckon.

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Year, in Retrospect:

Lessons learnt:
- I am cursed with digital cameras - having purchased the same camera 3 times in one year (2 of which were mine, 1 was replacing my brother's that was murdered by sand) is horrifying.
- I've realised I'm dateophobic, I would rather swim with sharks than go through the nerve wracking trauma of a date.
- The best kind of job is when you look forward to going every week and have a 'boss' who is more like an amazing second mum.
- One should not drink and text. Drunk people and mobile phones should be against the law.
- It was probably not the best idea to briefly see a dude who spends his lunch breaks
sun baking to 'top up his tan' and more time straightening his hair than me. Brains over beauty was suppose to be my mantra but I let this one momentarily slip.
- Substituting a relationship with uni work works a charm! Hello the best marks in the history of my uni career. What a stark
contrast you'll be to my "failed withdrawn" in first year Ancient History and my "pass conceded" for French. Oh well, they didn't mean shit in the grand scheme of things and at least I succeeded in the subjects that matter.
- People you know inside-out can change into emotionless zombies literally over night. The only explanation for this is that their bodies have been hijacked by aliens. Faen has coined this disturbing occurrence as "Space Invaders". Beware, it can strike at any time and happen to the best of us.
- Uni can actually be quite enjoyable with the right mix of fabulous friends, subjects and teachers (yeah, I can't believe I just admitted to enjoying uni either).
- Life is so much better when you can drive.
- You are never too old to have a sleep over.

- No one warns you how much a broken heart hurts. It's a painful little mo-fo. 
- Blogging is too much fun and you should do it for the love it and to practice your writing, not to build up a mass audience (which let's face it, will never happen for me).

Twenty-Ten to do list:
- Find a full time job doing what I love by the end of the year.
- Travel by myself.
- Less chips, more fruit (I think I say that every year).
- Go a darker shade of fun (by fun I mean
blonde, maybe even brunette... yes, it's pathetic I am so scared to change the colour of my hair).
- Get more work published.

Quote of the year:
Comes from my best friend, Faen. Late one night we were talking about pointless crap on the phone, as we tend to do very often. A game we like to play is going through people we know and hypothetically talking about if we'd date them.
- ME: What about Mr X?
- HER: He's kind of cute but he walks with too much air in his feet so I don't think I could.
- ME: Are you serious? That's the reason why you wouldn't date him? Because he has too much air in his stride?
- HER: Yeah, he's so bouncy when he walks. He has waaaay too much air in his feet. I don't like it.

Sweet tunes of Oh-Nine (and my votes for the Triple J Hottest 100):
- Best dancing song: Sometimes, Miami Horror
- Best walking song: Fences, Phoenix
- Best moping song: Blood, The Middle East
- Best driving song: Skeleton Boy, Friendly Fires / Islands, The xx
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