In light of the recent Twilight phenomenon not a day goes by where I can escape seeing or hearing the words “Edward and Bella.” As I was going about my morning ritual of reading the paper while sipping my coffee I was rudely interrupted with an unwelcome story on page two. In bold letters it read - “Bella and Edward, the Hottest Ticket.” This is just one example of many.
When you are trying to forget a certain someone exists it’s not very helpful being eye and ear raped 24/7 with your names together in romantic headlines.
My own name has now been tarnished too. Whenever I am introduced to new people they always remark, “Oh like Bella Swan from Twilight!” No, I am not a sparkly vampire lover thank you very much. Sometimes when I’m feeling a bit adventurous I let the cat out of the bag and say, “Well my ex-boyfriend is called Edward actually.” I spose it’s a good story to tell the die-hard fans but my own misfortunes are the bud of the joke.
While whingeing about this predicament to my best friend she said, “I’m sure no one would notice if they changed their names in the movie.”
The next day in my inbox was an email from her titled “Twilight Draft Letter.”
It read – Bella, after much thought last night I thought I would write to the producers (there are in fact 9 twilight producers, yes I looked it up) therefore I will address them all and express that they caused you distress and we want to attain compensation for their negligence.
To all of the 9 producers in making the film Twilight and New Moon,
I fear that although you have been successful in your movie production profits, you have been unsuccessful at considering my clients feelings. My client, Bella Brennan’s once normal life has now been disrupted because of the names of your characters. We also realise that there are two more movies to be released after New Moon, my client does not want to go through this all over again.
I have no other option than to take this matter to court and sue for negligence of Miss Brennan’s feelings and seek damages in monetary form for compensation. So producers, I put it to you to please change Edward and Bella’s names.
We are willing to be lenient in this change so that it does not hinder the future success of the movie series. Therefore we have agreed to keep the E and B initials, our suggestion is Eggbert and Beatrice. We are confident that no one will notice.
Regards, Faen Burrows
Head Legal Advisor, Shrimpy Associates
God love her. It’s something only a best friend would bother doing (and she was very bored at work). It gave me a good little chuckle and made me remember that moving on transcends mere words in print.
Moving on is about finding your Jacob, not Edward!